The first time I explored masturbation + self pleasure was around 5 years old.
Crazy sounding right?
I can very clearly remember feeling this intense tingling sensation in my yoni seeing people kiss in movies and turning to my dad asking what that feeling was.
Funny enough, he brushed it off as just saying I was scared.
I pretty quickly leaned into this feeling and would rub my yoni on anything I could (especially on my bed railing) because it felt so good.
I couldn’t describe why.
I just enjoyed the fuck out of it.
In 5th grade at a sleepover I kissed one of the other girls as an experiment.
The first kiss I had with a boy was in 6th grade.
I became extremely promiscuous and curious after that.
I lost my virginity when I was 12 the summer before going into 7th grade.
I had multiple experiences of sexual harassment, molestation, and “rape” by the end of 7th grade.
They were mostly my peers in school.
I couldn’t help but feel this need for deep sexual expression
at the same time, this massive wave of guilt, shame, and not feeling safe in my own skin when not knowing how to say no to it.
When girls would threaten to fight me in the hallways.
When rumors passed around like wild fire and everyone in the school started cold shouldering me like I was some sort of infectious disease because of my experimentation with sex.
I was slut-shamed.
I had gotten into legitimate fights that then went on youtube and eventually got into the hands of school authorities.
People literally wanted to hurt me.
For my own emotional and physical safety, I transferred schools.
I had learned fairly quickly to be “ashamed” of myself, my body, and expressing my sexual desires.
By the time I went into my freshman year of high school, I had my first real boyfriend who I was incredibly sexually active with.
So much so that by the second half of the year, we found out I was pregnant and one week prior to my 15th birthday I ended up having an at-home abortion through medication.
My parents put me on birth control after that.
Which set of an entire emotional hormonal roller coaster.
They didn’t tell anyone in the family.
There was so much shame.
So much secrecy.
My dad could hardly look at me for the next year.
I moved in full time with my mom + brother who both (at the time) were pretty heavy partiers and drinkers.
It was the social norm.
Don’t deal with feelings.
Being too emotionally sensitive wasn’t okay.
By the time I graduated high school, I had been sexually active with well over 20 different partners.
Some by choice, others not so much.
I couldn’t remember all their faces or names.
Lots of drunken one night stands.
Of course, for a multitude of these experiences, I lied about my age.
Sex became a vehicle, a high.
A way for me to feel “desired”
Until the sweat would dry and he’d be gone, only being friendly when they felt they needed someone to fulfill their sexual desires.
I had no real respect for myself or my body.
I had this disgust for myself, this anger, this self-hatred.
So I’d drink to numb the pain.
I was so heavily conditioned that all of this was soooo wrong.
But I didn’t know what else to do to get my fix.
When they desired me I felt wanted.
Until they didn’t.
It was a vicious cycle.
I had hit an all time low after ending an extremely toxic relationship the summer of my 20th birthday.
He was verbally + emotionally abusive.
I was emotionally distraught + extremely codependent.
I had NO sense of self worth or self love + had completely lost myself in all of it.
At that point I made a decision… I decided to try and stay celibate.
I began working out.
Focusing heavily on me.
Starting my journey in coaching, transformation, and healing.
A few months later, I met the man I would then date for the next nearly 3 years.
It was the first relationship I had ever been in that was completely monogamous.
And quickly, so much of my self worth became wrapped up in him desiring me.
We healed sooooo many of our wounds together.
We stopped drinking.
Began really valuing our health + fitness
Planning for a future we couldn’t see yet.
It was the first real love I had ever experienced.
He loved me into life.
We grew up so much inside of that container.
So much so that eventually we grew apart.
Through the busy-ness of building businesses, going deep on my own spiritual journey and personal development…
It broke me.
2+ years in and everything I had built with this person I started questioning.
Overwhelmed with the stress + anxiety from the business I wasn’t ready.
I couldn’t let go.
So I stayed.
Trying to “fix” myself.
Pushing my body to all extremes.
Placing so much weight in my physical appearance.
BELIEVING that if I just looked this way, he’d love me.
I’d love me.
And the journey to bikini comp prep began.
Until we both realized that wasn’t it.
We had come to the end of our bridge.
We had no choice but to let go.
To say goodbye.
I cried in ways I’ve never cried before.
I grieved for MONTHS.
The loss of him,
The loss of we
The loss of the me I used to be.
My body gave out.
I literally COULD NOT push any more.
There was nothing left in me.
This was in August 2018.
In the midst of scaling Libby’s company to a million dollar run rate.
Supporting literally 40+ women all over the world in building their businesses and saving the world.
I traded my emotional numbing with alcohol for the emotional numbing of being “busy” never taking a minute to slow down long enough to feel everything for fear of completely falling apart + not knowing how to pick myself back up.
I wrote so many times on so many pages in my journals that all I really wanted was to feel truly loved, truly desired for all of me.
I just wanted to feel okay.
To feel peace.
To stop the constant feeling of panic + anxiety.
For the first time in my life, I was completely on my own.
I could no longer escape through beating my body up in the gym— my adrenals had been completely depleted.
So I’d sit there…
And finally… I started to meditate.
thus began this self exploration in my own sensual healing.
I had clients who’s programs I would take.
Learning about relationships, attachment styles, values, needs, desires…
Uncovering my own fears about abandonment + rejection.
And the triggers that so many men would bring up for me.
It was easy for me to show up online in the name of the business.
But god forbid I show up like this in any relationships.
I avoided it.
Avoided all my triggers.
Avoided my own pleasure by justifying my busy-ness with scaling my business.
I built up this hollow shell of self-confidence.
But the foundation was weak.
Because I only felt secure when it was inside the container of business + marketing.
Ironic isn’t it?
Being seen as this business goddess yet feeling terrified by the rejection of a mere mortal man.
There was still so much shame…
So much fear…
So much self judgement.
Business was easy, Because I only had to talk about business.
I didn’t have to share about me.
Until December came + Lib’s decided to close the container of the Business Accelerator as a mentorship program to convert it into a self study course…
And, It hit me.
I couldn’t hide anymore.
I had to do this business piece for me
Which meant I had to be willing to be fully seen.
I started resisting showing up on stories.
I became bored + started to resent the content I would teach.
It was like living a double life.
I felt limited.
Suffocated by the constraints of being a “business + marketing” mentor
It required so much “push”
What felt like so much pretending.
Constantly putting on this face of being “okay”
I was just regurgitating what I had been taught was the “right” way
Even though the entire time it felt like so much of me was hiding.
so I leaned in…
And started this exploration of my shame, guilt, resistance, + self judgement through my own self pleasure + orgasm.
ALL of me.
Accessing + accepting this sacred slut archetype
Falling in love with my darker shadow side.
And realizing the potency of pleasure in business.
I broke ALL the rules + for the first time ever started to truly put my pleasure first.
I released soooooo much shame.
So much self judgement + arrived in this space of full self love.
Laying it all on the line.
no longer being afraid of what anyone would think or say.
I recognized how much I had been projecting my own self judgement onto others + decided to release it.
It was this moment of complete liberation.
Where business + marketing became fun again.
Where I felt free.
No longer confined by the rules of marketing or defined by the limits of my “branding”.
I get to be ALL of me.
Shadows + all.
I’m this diverse, multifaceted, multidimensional human being with an entire array of emotions, experiences, + beliefs.
And that, is what I’m merging into the business + marketing industry.
We’re breaking the wheel of business.
And interlacing this undertone of sensual embodiment and sexual sovereignty with ALL of who you be online.
To EMBODY your business.
To PLEASURE your way to success.
To harness your sexual energy as a way of FULL SELF EXPRESSION
We all have stories, beliefs, experiences that we’ve been conditioned to believe as early as children…
That these are the way things are “supposed to be”
Things we’ve been taught are “wrong” “naughty” “shameful” or “dirty”
To not be fully seen.
To ridicule ourselves with pain + embarrassment.
We’ve put rules of what’s “acceptable” and limit what we share never giving the fully story.
If you’re here to truly serve in the world..
Then it’s time…
To turn your pain into your pleasure.
To release your shame + be fully seen in all your glory.
To share your WHOLE story, not just the parts you think are pretty.
It’s time to lean in….
To your resistance
To your fear.
To break the wheel of being so “busy” that you don’t have time for pleasure.
Because here’s my truth…
It’s through the portal of my own sensuality that I’ve been able to step into my shadow so willing to be fully seen.
Your sexual energy is this POWERFUL creative center + when you shut it down, it’s no wonder why your creative expression feels limited.
You’ve put your power outside of you.
Depending on someone else’s experience + knowledge to save you.
It’s why you’ve stopped trusting yourself in business + marketing.
Why you go from course to course, mentor to mentor constantly seeking someone else’s approval.
Why you feel this need to have someone give you a step by step launch strategy or somehow believe that the perfect IG hashtags are what will make all the difference in your business…
Kind of funny now that we’re leaning into the depths of this, isn’t it? 😉
You’ve put your power outside of you.
It’s why no number of courses, strategies, or systems will EVER be enough to get to the core of what’s really going on.
What you really “need” is so much more profound than just a simple business model or marketing plan…
It’s SO MUCH DEEPER than that sista friend.
What you need is YOU.
ALLL OF YOU.
Showing up in your wholeness, shamelessly.
Unafraid to be seen.
What you *need* is to reclaim your power + reconnect with your sexual sovereignty so you can turn yourself on + become radiant in your sensual embodiment.
So before you invest in another self study course… Let’s be really honest.
Your marketing isn’t working because you’re not showing up FULLY, feeling hindered by shame, self judgement, perfectionism and fear of rejection.
Your audience isn’t growing because you don’t allow yourself to be truly SEEN in all your glory by sharing your juicy life story. Your content is so surface level that there’s no space for deeper connection.
Your program isn’t selling because you’re not EMBODYING all of what you teach or presenting it in a way that’s actually RELEVANT to the right audience.
You resist content writing because you don’t feel SAFE to be fully EXPRESSED and/or you keep trying to fit yourself in the box of a content strategy that was made for someone else.
People aren’t engaging because you’re not living in your radiance, they can feel your lack of turn on when you’re only talking about what you “think” you need to vs what actually lights you tf up.
Business is tough because you’re pushing yourself constantly putting pleasure on the back burner using stories like…
“Don’t have time”
“It’s not important”
“Don’t see it as relevant”
“Have too much on your to do list”
“Not in the mood”
“It feels silly”
“I don’t know how”
Stop using your “busy-ness” as a distraction from the disconnection you’re feeling with yourself + the deeper radiance of your business.
WHEN YOU TURN YOURSELF ON FIRST, everything else you do becomes that much more pleasurable.
Because you’re literally radiating love.
That’s what makes you so much more attractive to everyone you meet.
And let’s just clarify this piece as well…
If you’re feeling “blocked” or bogged down by all the “competition” feeling like your industry is oversaturated and there’s no room for you to stand out online…
If you’re constantly running programs of comparison, self doubt, or insecurities…
It’s a clear fucking sign that you have yet to FULLY embody ALL of your radiance, especially in your business.
YOUR STORY, your truth, your LIFE experiences are what separate you from everyone else in the industry.
Not your school of knowledge, courses taken, or “unique” offering.
AND THIS, is the power of being FULLY seen.
Competition, comparison, they cease to exist because you’ve taken back your power.
You fully own your voice in the world and know how to express in a way that truly connects with your audience.
And not from a place of surface level bullshit filtered “authenticity” but from true turn on.
To step back into your power, back into your turn on.
And build the business from a place of pure pleasure.
This is the birth of the Seductive Business Embodiment + the mission we’ve put in place.
Breaking all the rules and leading from a place of simple, sensual strategy.
Empowering you to reconnect with your deeper truth in your business
To access your own creative juices + KNOW how to turn yourself on.
To market from a place of pleasure + shameless self-expression.
To OWN your audience + stop settling for what’s safe when it doesn’t completely light you tf up.
To become a content creating QUEEN who embodies her business + no longer struggles with feelings of segregation or separation.
She is whole.
And ready to fully serve the world.
Through her own sensual embodiment in business.
And if you’ve made it this far,
She is you.
Sitting on the edge of uncertainty + curiosity eager to jump.
If she’s ready.
If this is it.
If this time, it will be any different.
And to her I say, lean in.
I know you crave the systems + strategies to scale your business.
I know you believe there must be some “magic” thing you’re missing that you’ve been conditioned to believe someone else MUST know.
And you’re right…
The “magic” you’re missing is your full connection to your sensual expression in your business.
The strategy is the easy part.
THIS is the real work, sista friend.
And believe it or not… we teach you both.
So if you’re feeling called…
If you’re feeling “turned on”….
Ready to explore…
Then lean in with me babe.
There’s no need to hide anymore.
The doors have officially opened for the movement that is The Seductive Business Embodiment Program.
A 3 month portal of sensual self expression, seductive copywriting, and embodied branding.
Empowering you to reconnect with your pleasure + use it as the pathway for success in your business.
So lean in, deeper…
Our portal begins August 19, 2019.
Are you cumming? 😉