EP #04: Understanding And Controlling Your Sweet Emotions

Emotions are like our internal compass. They are our way of letting us know that we’re doing something right or we’re doing something wrong. We have two sets of emotions, the positive and the negative. Different behaviors trigger to activate different parts of that brain resulting in different emotions being expressed. Understanding your emotions and understanding what’s happening in your body will enable you to become consciously aware of how it’s running and help you dissociate from it. By dissociating, you can stop negative emotions running your life and train your mind and body to get addicted to positive emotions. Dan and Sophie discuss how you can control emotional states and present some studies around the subject of emotions.

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Understanding And Controlling Your Sweet Emotions

We’ve got a fun episode for you because we’re going to talk all about emotions, what they are, how they play in our lives, what they do to our bodies, what they do for our results, and how to use them. I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like I was at the mercy of my own emotions and it doesn’t need to be that way. We can start getting into a little bit about the lighter side of things with emotions, but first let’s talk about what they are.

This is a reminder for you. If you’re ever feeling like the content that we’re teaching you is a little bit over your head, one thing that we did want to touch on is to let you know that we are giving you a lot of information. It’s like you’re getting a fast track to a master’s degree in transformation here. Just remember as you’re going through these episodes, what we’re going to be talking to you about is going to make more and more sense as we start to go through more and more of this series of more and more of these episodes. Know that it will start to click and certain pieces will start to come together. If you’re ever feeling lost or confused, feel free to shoot us a message.

Emotions are these amazing little things that we’ve got in our bodies that are like barometers. It’s almost like an internal compass, and we need them. Our emotions are pretty much the only things that keep us alive. If you think about it, we’ve got two sets of emotions. We’ve got positive emotions and we’ve got negative emotions. It’s important to remember that it doesn’t make one good or one bad. It’s like the different polarities of a magnet. It’s not like the side of the magnet with a minus sign on it is the evil side of the magnet.

In fact, our negative emotions are, I would say, the most important things that we’ve got. Think about it for a second. What would happen to you if you suddenly stop experiencing fear? I don’t think you’d make it too long, would you? I don’t think any of our species would make it. Emotions are our way of letting us know that we’re doing something right or we’re doing something wrong. These are our warning signals or our reward signals.

[Tweet “Emotions are our way of letting us know that we’re doing something right or we’re doing something wrong. “]

Understanding that different emotions, you almost experience from different parts of your brain and understanding without going too deep into it that different behavior trigger to activate different parts of that brain. When you’re doing something that feels good whether or not it’s good for you to be doing, it’s the feeling that is exciting. It’s that chemical released into your body. A great way to understand emotions is they are quite literally energy in motion. This energy is what you’re feeling. You get that sudden feeling of like, “I’m either like massive positive energy or negative energy.” It’s fun because we can toy around with this. We hear a lot of people talk about high vibes and positive vibes and good energy because you can feel the different types of energy that people are putting off with their emotional states.

This is where it gets fun, where you can start to understand this at a very generic level, where it’s something that you can apply to your day to day life where you can feel different emotional states. When somebody walks in a room and they are smiling and they’re like a ray of sunshine, you’re like, “That person is attractive. I want to go and talk to them.” Or somebody walks into a room and you can tell that you don’t want to talk to them, that they look very angry. They’re probably not somebody that you’d want to sit down to have lunch with, so you steer clear. This is where emotions and understanding your emotional intelligence is powerful.

Remember that this comes from a very long line of people learning what is good or what is bad for us. Sometimes they can get skewed, where something feels good and yet really isn’t. Most of this comes from survival. When you see someone coming at you, they’re smiling, they’re joyful. This is someone who could probably add some serious value to your life. At the very least, they’re not a threat. That’s why we see someone like that and all of a sudden, we feel good. You can see that this emotional transference is an important part of your emotions. You feel things not just because of you and what you’re doing, but the people around you.

We have mirror neurons on either side of our head that light up. They create empathy. These things, they only have one purpose. They only have one reason, and that is to help you feel what other people feel. That’s it. Everything in your brain has an important purpose. It’s something that’s been carefully designed over thousands of years of evolution to be at its best in its current state, so that must mean that it’s important to be able to feel what other people feel. Getting a little bit into the metaphysical stuff, there is a certain kind of person called an empath who has almost supernatural abilities to feel what other people feel.

For example, I’m an empath, a few of my friends are and we can sense other people’s emotions from across a room without even seeing them. There are these people who are so attuned to emotions that it becomes like another sense. In that way, it is amazing to be able to feel people walking by. Notice when you feel one way, how does that change the other people around you? It becomes a fun little game to see whether you can get other people to respond to you depending on the emotional state that you’re in playing on that emotional transference.

To give you some amazing information if you want to dive more into the metaphysical and understanding it so that the actual science-y pieces behind the different emotions that you carry, they’re energy in motion. That energy is quite literally vibrating at a different frequency. As you go into these more powerful emotional states like love, joy, bliss, gratitude, you’re literally vibrating energetically at a higher frequency where you become more coherent and you become somebody who’s more energetically charged. You become, in a way, more attractive, and so you attract more opportunities to open up more doors.

Whereas when you’re stepping into more negative emotions, they have a different frequency and that frequency tends to slow down and becomes more incoherent. When you get into emotions like anger, fear, sadness, hurt and guilt, shame, all of this start to vibrate at a lower frequency. You start to, in a sense, almost repel or attract that kind of energy back to you because that’s what you’re vibrating at. When people are talking about this concept of high vibes, it literally is about a high vibrational frequency that you’re putting out with your emotional energy.

When you look at groups of people, you’ll find that happy people tend to hang out with other happy people whereas unhappy people tend to hang out with other unhappy people. I remember in the throes of my depression, my best friends were also depressed. We are attracted to each other, and that’s an amazing thing to think about too. If your emotions do attract or repel people, then that means that you can change the people around you by feeling different yourself. That’s an amazing concept.

Instead of looking for other people to make you feel a certain way, to help you get out of a funk or trying to attract someone who’s positive when you’re feeling negative so that they can pull you out, through the tools and techniques we’re going to give you, you’re going to be able to switch your state or your emotion, and therefore attract other people who are going to feed into it. That’s an amazing thing to know that all you got to do is focus on you feeling good and you’re going to naturally bring in other people who are going to make you feel good as well.

I want to talk to those of you who are like “I want to feel happy. Why can’t I feel happy? I want to feel love. I want to feel right.” There’re things that you want to feel, but you’re stuck in whatever reason, feeling the negative emotion that you necessarily don’t want to be feeling. We can think about things like, “Are you feeling anxiety? Are you feeling depressed? Are you feeling angry? Are you feeling sad?” It’s something that you’ve been feeling for quite a long period of time. You’ll say, “I don’t know how to feel happy.” It’s understanding that there’s something that’s happening in your body. The reason why I want to explain this and teach this to each and every single one of you is because when you can understand something, you are no longer running an unconscious program because you become consciously aware of the program that’s running and you can disassociate from it.

Understand that these emotional chemical states can become addictive for the body. One of the prime directives of the unconscious mind is to preserve and run the body. The unconscious mind becomes these emotional states that we’ve been living in for an extended period of time. If somebody has been living in high stress, they’ve been living in stressful situation, they’ve activated that fight or flight system, and they’d been living in stress for the last five years of their lives, what’s going to happen with their body? Their body is going to calibrate and that emotional state of stress is going to become the new place of homeostasis for them. It’s going to become their new home where that’s what their body knows as normal. When you’re around something long enough, it becomes normal to you.

That new normal, that level of stress, that chemical place of stress, is what your body has become acclimated to. When you’re trying to step into a different emotional state, and you’re thinking, “Feeling relaxed and happy feels weird. It doesn’t feel right.” I want to correct this. It’s not that it doesn’t feel right, it’s that it feels unfamiliar. It’s unfamiliar to your body because your body has not been chemically acclimated to this new emotional state, so it is going to feel strange and weird and uncomfortable and unfamiliar. That’s totally normal and that’s a sign that, “My body has acclimated to this new homeostasis of living in these other emotional states.” As I’m starting to step into a different emotional state, it’s understanding that what’s happening between the beautiful connection with your brain and your body is your body is saying, “We need to get back to our place of home. We need to get back to our place of homeostasis, of feeling stressed out. That’s our normal.”

What it’s going to do, and oftentimes I’m sure a lot of you can relate to this, is where you’re doing something great and you’re writing down your affirmations and then this wonderful little thought creeps up. It’s like, “You don’t need to get up today, just sleep in. You can start tomorrow. You don’t need to do this.” What’s that is that your body is sending a signal to your brain trying to get your brain to start thinking the same way that your body wants to feel because it wants to bring back that state of homeostasis, that state that it knows, that’s familiar so that it can get its emotional fix. The big thing here is understanding that your body can literally become chemically addicted to certain emotional states. When we talk about things like depression or anxiety, it’s understanding that a lot of times, it’s that the body has become so familiar to this emotion that it almost knows it better than the mind, and so the body starts to feel this way. It sends a signal up to your brain and it says, “Start thinking these thoughts so we can get our emotional fix.” When you start thinking those thoughts, you start to release those chemicals and those feelings come back into your body.

That’s something that I can identify with quite a bit, knowing what it’s like to be on one side of the spectrum and be horribly addicted to my own depression. I didn’t even know what could be on the other end of it and my body and my unconscious mind. Not knowing what was on the other side made it seem like something scary. It was so strange to want to not be depressed but also have some sort of trepidation like I almost had a resistance to it. That was just my body being chemically addicted to my depression. It didn’t want me to go cold turkey. Even when I started my change, I would have relapses. I was a full-on drug addict to my own negative emotions.

The beautiful thing is that you can also get your body addicted to positive emotions. It doesn’t have to be one sided. You can even train yourself. I’ve got a process for you, a little something that you could start doing today in order to start that process of training your mind and your body to get addicted to positive emotions, so that you feel it all the time and that it becomes your normal. Anytime you start dipping into something else, your body will think “Out of whack, nope. Right back into positive. This is what we like. This is what we’re used to.” It’s an amazing thing.

[Tweet “All transformation happens through emotions, through changing these emotional states. “]

When we talk about the foundations, this is really the foundation of transformation. It’s understanding that all transformation happens through emotions, through changing these emotional states that you not just live in and experience the world, but that you identify yourself through. When we can start to shift these chemical states, these emotions, and start to separate who you believe you are from how you’re feeling and get you to start thinking greater than how you’re feeling and start to create for yourself these new emotional states and start to come up with, “What does love look like? What does joy look like? What does gratitude look like?” and starting to step into those emotional states.

Even if it’s just dipping your toe in one by one and slowly starting to get your whole body immersed into those different emotional states where it can become your new normal. That’s what this process of transformation is. It’s shifting what’s been your normal based off of your previous conditioning up until this point, what you’ve conditioned your mind and your body to based on your environmental experiences. Taking back your control and your power, realizing that there’s an automatic program that served you to a certain point, but it’s no longer serving you based on where you want to go and starting to shift those chemical addictions and getting your body addicted to feeling great.

We all want to feel love, we all want to feel happy, but some people think that that is an endpoint, like that’s a result. It isn’t. There’s a whole side of research called positive psychology. I had studied all this stuff before it even got a name. It’s all about, “How do we use our positive emotions?” Not just, “Why do we feel them, but what could we do with them?”One of my favorite books, if you want to learn a lot about this, is called The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. He studied all sorts of ways in which happiness impacted people’s performance at work. Happiness doesn’t necessarily need to come from being successful. It doesn’t need to be a thing that comes from having an amazing relationship or doing something well. It’s almost reverse.

Think about the most successful people that you know in these modern times. The most successful in all areas of their lives, they all seem to be happy, don’t they? My question to you is, “Do you think that they’re happy because they’re successful or could it be that they are successful because they’re happy?” We’re talking about all these chemicals that go on through your body when you feel an emotion, but these chemicals don’t impact how you feel. They impact how you think, they impact your memory, they impact your recall, they impact how you perceive and they impact how fast you think. I don’t think it’s any big surprise that we tend to operate better across all fields of doing anything when we’re feeling positive. That’s when we feel the most creative.

Some artists do have an amazing capacity to be very creative when they’re feeling negative emotions. It’s not because of the negative emotions, it’s despite them. Study after study will show you that when you are feeling happy or love or bliss, you’re even more creative. You think better and faster. Your body heals faster. You digest food better. Your heart regulates. All the great hormones inside of your mind that help you be confident, that help you connect with people, that help you feel amazing, they all skyrocket when you feel good.

It’s a very important technique in life to find out and then practice over and over again feeling as good as you can. This doesn’t mean you need to be happy and blissful every single second of your life in order to experience these, just work on taking one step further. If you’re in a funk of depression, take one step towards happiness. You’re going to find a bump in your life that will create the momentum that you need in order to break that chemical addiction to your emotions and move forward. If you’re already feeling great, amazing. Challenge yourself to feel even better and see what that does for you and your life.

I love that you are bringing up this idea that how you feel has an effect on what you experience or the certain level of success that you can have in your life. This reminds me of a powerful quote by an author, well-renowned psychologist and a chiropractor, Dr. Joe Dispenza. He does a lot of work understanding and studying the human brain and the body and how that works. One of his quotes is this idea that, “Your personality creates your personal reality. That the way that you think, that you feel and that you behave literally creates the reality, the experience that you have outside of you.”

This comes back what we talked about in episode three around the unconscious mind of understanding, “Are you living at effect and saying that it’s your personal reality? Everything outside of you that’s created your personality is because of all these events and experiences, that’s why you are the way you are and you feel the way you feel? Or are you choosing to take ownership and believe that your personality, the way you think, the way you feel, and what you do, how you behave, create an impact and influence your personal reality, the experience outside of you, and living and causing an effect?” If this is true, isn’t it possible that we can start to emotionally think and feel and create inside of us the person and the personality that we want to have and be, and as we start to step into that personality, we can start to create our personal reality outside of us?

I love that you brought up Joe Dispenza. I’ve been crushing his books recently and doing a lot of the meditations and it’s so good. Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself and You Are the Placebo are his two other books. There’s another one, Becoming Supernatural. I highly recommend it. Let’s call each other out for doing amazing work. It makes a lot of sense because when we were talking about the unconscious mind, we said that, “The unconscious mind distorts, deletes, and generalizes information. It takes in almost none of reality and uses that to create all of your experiences, all of your memories, everything that you feel has happened to you is because of a process that your brain has done.”

Your brain works on chemicals, and your emotions are chemical, and your body and your emotions are chemicals, and they create chemical cascades. If your emotions change the chemicals in your brain and the chemicals in your brain change the information that you distort, delete, generalize, and filter, that creates your reality. It’s a straight shot to understand that your emotions create your reality as well. By changing one, you can change the other. We’re going to dive back into the land of strange to a man named Masaru Emoto. You may have heard of him and his ice studies. I remember learning about this in college back when the studies we’re being done, and this took my breath away. The simple experiment was to take some water, put it into a bunch of different little glass containers.

Different words were written on pieces of paper that were pasted onto these containers. Some of the words went along with positive emotions and some of the words went along with negative emotions. They had it there, almost like attaching the emotion to the water, and then they froze it and they checked out the crystallization of the water. Remember about the higher vibrations, the more powerfully positive the emotion, the faster the wavelength. The faster the frequency, the shorter the wavelength. They found that there was a physical effect on the water depending on the emotion that went along with it. Words like “I love you” would create ice that had beautiful, perfect crystallization that looked gorgeous. The water that had, “I hate you” attached to it, when it was frozen and when they looked, the crystallization looked fractured. It wasn’t symmetrical at all and it looked ugly.

They noticed that different emotions created different crystallizations. The more positive, the more beautiful and intricate the crystallization. The more negative, the more completely incoherent, completely random, and also fragile. The ice was fragile. How much of you is water? We’re mostly water, so if this works on a piece of ice, think about what emotions do to your whole body that’s running on this stuff. Positive emotions heal. They do make you stronger. Negative emotions can make you feel physically weaker, so it behooves us to do everything we can to study how to live in even more powerfully positive emotions for amazing reasons.

If you go to YouTube, you can find the video and you can watch and see the actual crystals that they looked at because it is incredibly powerful. You can see the different words that they used to study this. We are 70% water, and some believe more, so understanding how much your thoughts, your emotional state, your internal representation, your identity do affect the way that you experience the world outside of you is monumental. Speaking as a testament to this for myself, how when we began to change and shift our identities.

Who we believed we were and how we were feeling and how we were thinking and what we were doing, before anything outside of our lives changed. Not only did we start to feel different, but it was like the sun got brighter and the colors got warmer. We started to feel happier and we could hear the birds singing louder. Slowly and surely, every single day as you started to live more and more in that emotional state, more and more doors opened up. That’s how we came across this podcast, and all these doors are opening up a possibility by continuing to live in that emotional state.

Yes, the color is getting brighter and the world is getting lighter, and suddenly finding out that strangers are smiling at me and babies are giggling, and pets love me. It felt like a freaking Disney movie going on inside of my actual life. It’s the trippiest thing when that happens. I know that you’re going to experience the very same thing. That’s my goal for you. I want you to take some serious steps towards getting this for yourself. This is where this little technique comes in. There was a study done on people playing Tetris.

What they did over a course of three days is they had this group play Tetris for nine hours a day, and then they sent them home. What they noticed is that after these participants left, they still played Tetris in their minds. They would sit there in traffic, going home and think, “If this bus moved over to the left and that car moved over to the right and this guy flipped over, we could all move up.” Or they went home and looked at the fridge and rearranged their fridge so everything fits snugly and perfectly. They have dreams about Tetris. You can train yourself to think about certain things. You can train yourself to feel certain things.

[Tweet “You can train yourself to think about certain things. You can train yourself to feel certain things. “]

If you have any friends who are cops or auditors, think about what they do. They work a lot, way more than nine hours a day. Their job is to find things that are wrong. That’s what they do, so when they leave, it’s not like they can just turn it off. They’ve trained themselves. They get home and they are like, “This is wrong. Why did you say it like that? This need more salt.” They’re doing what they’ve been trained to do. Think about what you’ve been training yourself to do or feel. Here is a process that will allow you to change that. You can do this on your own by writing things down by hand or even more powerfully, you can get a partner. At one point in the day, either at night or in the morning, my favorite is to do it at night, especially if you have a partner who you eat dinners with regularly, it makes it super easy. Write three things that were good, positive in any way from the last 24 hours, and why did you choose those things. If you’re doing it for yourself, my challenge to you is to find three new things every day.

When you’re doing this with a partner and you are sharing three things each time, eventually your partner’s going to have a good answer. You’re going to spend the next 24 hours trying to beat them. In your mind you’re going to go, “This is positive. I like this. Why do I think this? That’s not good. This, how about this? I like that. Is that strong enough? What else is good?” You will start unconsciously seeking out what’s positive and what makes you feel amazing. Also, because you’re doing it with a partner, you can’t say the same thing every night. You got to come up with new stuff, so your unconscious mind is going to keep seeking out what makes you feel good. You will train yourself to find things that make you feel some sort of positivity.

If you do it for yourself, challenge yourself to find three new things because otherwise, you can slip into naming the three things for the same reasons everyday and it won’t have an effect on you. You’re going to be your own watchdog here and make sure three new things every single day. The beautiful thing there is at one point, you’re going to have a day where it seems hard. That’s a good thing because you’re going to have to then struggle a little bit. You’re going to have to push yourself to find something that’s good. The more you do that, the more you train yourself to look for what makes you feel amazing. You can start changing your unconscious habits, letting your mind know that this is the new game plan, that feeling amazing is the new way of being, and you can start getting your system hooked on feeling amazing.

I hope you enjoyed thoroughly this little bit of a weird, fun episode on emotions and diving deep into some of the things that Dan and I clearly love to enjoy exploring. If you have any more questions on any of that, feel free to reach out at any time, you can always comment below. Otherwise, we will plan on seeing you on the next episode. We will be diving deep into two very amazing emotional states, one of fear and one of love, and understanding the power behind each. Until then, we will see you on the next episode.

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I'm Sophie Kessner

First generation Mexican American mama that’s gone from hood to strategic hustle. I’ve spent the last 10+ years inside the personal development space supporting 100’s of coaches in scaling 6 figure businesses online & supported 4 different companies in surpassing the 7 figure mark. Today, I focus on making scaling more sustainable by integrating the lenses of business, systems, automation and CEO Development through an Equity centered and Trauma informed lens.

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Tired of paying for a million different subscriptions? I got you covered! Check the link sis.

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Sophie is the founder of The Sacred CEO™ Agency and has been in the service based coaching industry since 2015. She’s created and scaled 4 different multi 6 figure coaching programs including their latest course, The Online Business Automator.

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You can find Soph snuggling up with her son on the couch, spending weekends at Trauma retreats or dancing her heart out at the next EDM Festival.

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