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EP #20: Find Fulfillment In Every Day Life

MMM 20 | Fulfillment In Every Day Life

Most people in business have figured out life in reverse. Often you will hear them say they have to take care of the business first so their family can go on week-long vacations and buy the car and all other determiners of a successful life. Most successful business people think and do the exact opposite. They find fulfillment in everyday life by doing the things that they love to do with the people they love doing it with. When they focus on happiness first, then the work doesn’t only get easier but also more productive and fun to do.

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Find Fulfillment In Every Day Life

In this episode, we are going to be picking up right where we left off and going about ten miles deeper into this topic of flow and allowing you guys to create for yourselves a life where you can live the majority of your time in this state of flow, in this state of being where you can truly love the life you live.

This is absolutely critical for everything you do in life. Sometimes we can get our goals a little backwards, especially when we’re focusing in heavy on our business partner. We say, “No. I’ve got to focus in on my business. My life? I’ll deal with that later. When I’m successful in business, then I’ll have a life that I love.” I want to challenge that whole mindset right there. I’ve seen that the most successful people do the exact opposite. They design a life for themselves that includes everything that they love, from relationships to their health and wellness, to their spiritual practices, to their business as well. They create this life that gives them energy all the time in the office, at home, with their friends, whatever they’re doing, because then you build this gorgeous momentum and this positivity that covers everything you do and it makes everything seem a lot easier. Even if you’re going through a hard time, that lifestyle will buoy you up.

I’ll give you another way to think about that. Let’s say if you focus only on your business and your life sucks, but your business is doing well. Let’s say you make a mistake. Something changes in the tax laws and your business takes a dive. That can happen. That’s the only thing that you’ve got going for you, your whole world just fell apart. On the other side, learning from this episode and then designing a life for you that will constantly give you love and all the things that you want that make you feel good and it gives you energy, if your business takes a dive, you’ll bounce right back faster than you can even expect to.

[Tweet “Most successful people design a life for themselves that includes everything that they love.”]

If you listen to any philosophical stuff, you may heard of a wonderful man named Alan Watts. He oftentimes brings up this concept where he’ll go into universities or he’ll go in and give talks and he’ll ask the students, “What would you do if money were no object? How would you enjoy spending your time?” I’d love to ask all of you right now the very same question. This is paramount, even more so in the Western world. This is something that we’ve almost lost sight of. I’ll paint a little picture for you guys and give you a little bit of a real life example here from myself. It’s so easy in the Western world, especially in the world of personal development, to set these high goals and these high standards where we want to have the house, the car, the income, the perfect family. We set these goals based on what society tells us that we should want and that we should need with the belief of what having those things will allow us to feel, who it’ll allow us to be, and ultimately what it will give us.

What’s interesting is when we take a step back and we look at why is it I want these things, the majority of the time it’s going to come down to an emotion, to something that you want to feel in life and about yourself. If we can understand that as the core motivator behind having and doing and achieving all of these things, it allows us to start to simplify these goals. Here’s the truth. We get one life. If you’re spending 40 plus years, 70% to 80% of your time, doing something every single day, working a job that you don’t love with people that you don’t enjoy, doing it because you feel like you have to so you can spend 20% of your life with the people that you do love doing the things that you do want to do, is it worth it at that point?

It’s interesting because this is the majority of the clients that oftentimes I’ll start working with. They get to a midlife crisis. “I have all the money, I have all the cars, the vacations, and I’m still not happy.” This tends to be a huge epidemic especially as you get into people who are living at a very high and wealthy, financially successful level in life but they feel like an absolute failure. This is understanding as we get into, tying in this concept of flow. If you’re spending 80% of your life out of flow, disconnected and never having the time or energy to spend the time with the people you love doing what it is you love doing, are you even living at that point? As we get into this concept, it’s important for you to consider your values. What it is you want and understanding that the money, that the success, that the financial piece is all in there, but if you are putting that as the forefront, “I can only experience have, feel or be all of these things when I have this level of success, financial achievement, whatever it is,” you’re limiting yourself to the abundance and love that you can feel in your life.

Not only are you limiting what you can feel, it’s simply ineffective. Let’s just put this out straight. Happiness is not a result. Loving your life is not a result. It’s a requirement. I dare you to become as successful as you can while hating your life. Go and try. It’s impossible. Your energy is being drained. You’re living stressful lives and all of the stuff seems so hard because one of the main ingredients of success isn’t there. Look at the most successful people on the planet. I’m not just talking about just people who have power or just people who have a lot of money. I’m talking about the most successful people on the planet. They all seem pretty happy. They all seem to have amazing lives.

MMM 20 | Fulfillment In Every Day Life
Fulfillment In Every Day Life: Everybody wants to work with people who are naturally happy.

Ask yourself this, “Do they have all that happiness and all that fulfillment because they’re successful, or could it be that they’re successful because they figured out a way to create happiness and fulfillment in their life no matter what’s going on?” The moment you take that, the moment you separate yourself from all these external consumer-minded rewards and start creating your happiness for yourself, the moment you take that power and that choice, then essentially you’re telling the universe, “I’m going to be happy no matter what. I’m going to be fulfilled no matter what. I don’t need that this car. I don’t need this house. I don’t need this money. I know it’s important to me and I create that for myself. Everything else be damned.”

By the way, if you want to find out how to do that for yourself, you want to know what is important to yourself, go back to the last episode and do the WHYs process. When you create that for yourself, you create this energy within you that you don’t need anything, and that’s a magical place. Life happens to be ironic. Think about the people in your life who need love and attention the most. They’re creepy, aren’t they? We tend to run away from them. The people who need clients the most tend to scare them away. The people who need money the most tend to never have it. If you find yourself, “I need to get this raise so that I can be happy,” you’ve got it reversed. Switch that.

Become happy, develop a life that you love, and that raise will come to you. Everybody wants to work with people who are naturally happy, who do things for themselves, who are self-contained, who seem to be inoculated from that consumer mindset. They don’t care. They’re going to create happiness and fulfillment no matter what. That’s a really attractive person, attractive as in magnetic. Those people have to fight money from coming in, fight success or people from coming to their doorstep. I challenge you to become one of those people.

You’ll oftentimes hear people say, “I just don’t have enough time.” It’s quite frankly complete and utter bullshit. It’s not that you need more time. It’s that you need more energy. When you’re living in a state of lack, doing things that are so energy-draining, depleting your energy on a consistent basis, it’s not that you don’t have enough time. It’s that you don’t have the energy to be efficient in the time that you have. This is where it’s understanding that when you’re stepping into doing the things that fill you up, that create energy inside of you, when you’re doing the things that allow you to step into a state of flow, it allows you to be able to do so much more in so much less time.

This is part of that piece behind why so many of these people are able to almost skyrocket when they de-shed and they let go of the things that aren’t serving them, the things that take them out of their flow because now they have so much more space energetically to create and move forward at such a higher rate, a higher frequency than they could have ever done before because they’re no longer holding on to all this heavy weight keeping them from being able to move at the level that they’re capable of.

Imagine every single day you’re trying to go through your tasks. You’re trying to get to this end destination and you’re wearing all these body weights, the body weight of this job, the body weight of this relationship, the body weight of these clothes, the body weight of whatever the values are, the body weight of the house, whatever it is, all these things that are just holding you down. You have to fight so much more, you have to put so much more energy into trying to just move forward. If you were just to put down those weights, just to disconnect from the things that are draining your energy, just to let go of what no longer serves the greater outcome of what you want, of who you are, you would be able to catapult yourself and get so much further, so much faster. You’d be using the same amount of energy, if not even more, to be able to get to where you’re going because you’re no longer spending the energy fighting what you have.

[Tweet “People are going to pay you for what you’re great at, not for what you’re good at.”]

It’s such a fun feeling when you start filling your day with all of those things that give you energy rather than the other. One of the things that’s important here to help you find those activities, because sometimes it can be tricky, is the question of obligation versus opportunity. Are you doing things because you have to or because you want to? This is sometimes a little tricky here. Let’s go over a couple of different examples. When I first learned this concept, I thought a lot of the things that I was doing out of want. I thought I was doing a lot of things that I want to do and it turned out to be not so true. You go to work because you have to pay the bills. I get that, but are you doing the work because you have to pay the bills or are you doing work because you love what you do and the money just comes and you don’t have to worry about the money because it’s going to be there because you love what you do so much that you’re great at it and people want to give you even more?

I know what it’s like to go to a job that I have to go to. I felt like, “What else am I going to do? I like the people here.” I would convince myself that I wanted to go there. I convinced myself and you could do that. You could find all these logical explanations, “I liked the people here. It’s easy. They pay me well. The commute is good, all this other stuff. That’s why I want to go,” but deep down, if it is taking your energy, it’s probably an obligation. Probably somewhere along the line you said, “I have to either because I cannot get another job or I feel forced into this for some reason, and now I have to come up with all other excuses to myself so I don’t feel terrible about going to work every day.” That’s a major symptom. Is it giving you energy or taking energy?

Even when you’re hanging out with someone you love, the activity that you’re doing. Are you doing it because you feel it’s an obligation to them? “I’m going shopping with this person.” “Why?” “I have to. She makes me go.” You can hear that in your own tone of voice. When you’re there, are you present or are you daydreaming about something else? Are you resistant to going? Are you excited about going? Are you doing it because you want to? Are you doing it because of you? There’s another way to look at it. Are you doing it because of you, for you? I know if you’re doing an activity with someone else, you may think, “No. This is important to my partner and that’s why I’m doing it.” That is an obligation.

If you’re doing it with your partner, “Yes, because it’s important to them,” but you love the feeling that you get when you show your partner some love by doing something that they love and you’re doing it because of that feeling that you get, then it’s because of you and it’s for you. The experience is going to be totally different. All of those good feelings that you’re going for, those will energize you and you may even be excited about it. Think about that. You can actually get excited about doing something you don’t like because of the amazing warm and fuzzies you get by doing it for someone else. All of a sudden, you turn an obligation into an opportunity. The more times you can do things out of opportunity than obligation, the greater the energy you’ll have to pour into other things, your business, your health, your spirituality, whatever you might want to pour it into, and that’s the goal. Design a life full of opportunity, giving you all of the good things, so that you can get even more done.

I know that a lot of you on here are either business owners or entrepreneurs or maybe even you’re considering wanting to jump into the world of entrepreneurship. You often times hear people have this conversation, “If I do that, how am I going to pay my bills? How is doing what I love going to support me and my financial goals?” Again, this is bringing in full circle that piece of what’s the lifestyle you want to create for yourself? What’s interesting is especially a lot of times in the personal development world, people will say, “I want to make $1 million and I want to have this huge house and I want to have a jet and just be able to do all these things.” When you break it down to what the person really wants, it’s oftentimes so much simpler. It comes down to them wanting to be able to feel significant, to feel special, to be able to feel like they have freedom and variety in their lives. If you actually get down to the numbers of it, it’s a lot less than what you originally thought. You don’t have to spend all this time and energy trying to get to this huge financial goal to create what you think is going to make you happy. At the end of the day, it’s something so much simpler.

MMM 20 | Fulfillment In Every Day Life
Fulfillment In Every Day Life: People don’t want to work with the person who’s good at everything, they want to work with the person who’s the best at that one thing that they need.

What I would encourage you to do is think about what you want, how you want to be spending your time and then if you’re looking at it from the financial perspective, because again, very much have that mindset, what are those numbers? When you get crystal clear on those, you’re starting to look at how much more possible it is for you. At the end of the day, here’s the truth. People are going to pay you for what you’re great at, not for what you’re good at. It’s about investing in yourself to create the level of expertise to where you can master what you love so you can earn a great living off of it. This means not becoming the master of all trades. People don’t want to work with the person who’s good at everything, they want to work with the person who’s the best at that one thing that they need. That is what’s going to allow you to become so much more magnetic, so much more attractive to your audience, when you don’t have to put on this mask or wear these ten different costumes when it’s not what you enjoy doing. On the other end of that, energetically, they are going to be so much more attracted to you because you’re going to be vibrating at such a higher level.

If some of this sounds a little confusing, please go back and review the last episode. There we do talked quite a bit about finding the things that you are meant to do, that you’re called to do, your area of genius versus your area of expertise. It will help you get crystal clear on the activities that you can do that will give you energy rather than take it from you. Here’s your task for this episode. Write a list of all the things you did over the last 48 hours, and then categorize them. Were they obligations? Think deeply on this. Try to get through some of the explanations that you’ve been feeding yourself over time and get to the real nitty-gritty. Are those activities being done out of a sense of obligation that you have to, or are you doing it because you want to for you? Do they give you energy or do they take energy?

Then see if you can start adjusting your day-to-day life, holding things more into the want category than the have-to more into the opportunity, less in the obligation. Sometimes it’s just a reframe of the way that you think about it. You don’t actually have to stop doing anything. You can just change the way that you approach it and start doing even more things out of your area of genius. How can you add or switch things out so that you can add even more into your day, in your area of genius, things that will feed you, nourish you, help propel you into that state of true genius where people will be magnetized to you, that they know you as the person, the must, have to, need to, can’t stop but go-to person for the thing that you do?

Knowing that, the last thing that we’re going to leave you guys with is creating a lifestyle around who you want to be and what you want to experience. From that place, developing the habits, the routines that enable that for you. We’re going to be dialing a hell of a lot deeper on the next episode talking about vibrational frequencies and emotions and what it actually looks like. Stay tuned and we’ll see you there.

See you.

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I'm Sophie Kessner

First generation Mexican American mama that’s gone from hood to strategic hustle. I’ve spent the last 10+ years inside the personal development space supporting 100’s of coaches in scaling 6 figure businesses online & supported 4 different companies in surpassing the 7 figure mark. Today, I focus on making scaling more sustainable by integrating the lenses of business, systems, automation and CEO Development through an Equity centered and Trauma informed lens.

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