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EP #74: Business, Marketing, And Dating As A Female Entrepreneur with Mel Judson

MMM 74 | Business And Dating

Meet Mel Judson, one of the leading business and marketing mentors for service-based female entrepreneurs, and laugh alongside her and Soph in this hilarious episode where they hold nothing back sharing all their secrets about boys, business, marketing, and dating as a female entrepreneur in today’s modern world. A word of caution, this may cause hysterical laughing and elevated moods. In this episode, we also relate and break down the concepts of building your business, finding your ideal client, marketing yourself online, and having high converting sales calls from a place of fun and ease along with plenty of other gold nuggets that will leave you feeling fired up to take action.

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Business, Marketing, And Dating As A Female Entrepreneur with Mel Judson

This is going to be a fun show. This is an episode that I did with my business bestie. Her name is Mel Judson. What we’re going to be hearing in this episode is both of us diving deep into all things business, boys, dating, marketing and entrepreneurship. All the fun analogies and metaphors that we use when it comes to growing and scaling a service-based business online, especially if you are getting social marketing and how that relates to all the different facets and contexts when it comes to dating. We’re going to share with you some fun stories, our own evolutionary process and journey being female entrepreneurs. Mel, herself, being nomadic and myself being in a long-term relationship and growing a business, leaving a relationship and being single and dating and all the fun stuff. We hold nothing back in this episode and I can’t wait for you to fall in love with Mel. Get a feel for the amazing energy that she and I have together. I know you’re going to love this. With that being said, enjoy this episode.

Mel and I have a weekly call for a solid hour and we’d just block off that space to connect. A lot of the times, we’d talk about business for 30 minutes but the rest of the time, we can dive deep into all things. We dive deep about all things boys, dating, relationships and life because we’re both a little boy crazy and we both got businesses and dating is a part of our lives. We thought it would be fun to pop on here to share a little bit about what it’s like being a female entrepreneur and having a dating life, the relations and all of that in marketing. You’re going to hear a lot of the metaphors that we use when it comes to marketing, business, dating and relationships. If you’re a single woman in the entrepreneurial world, give me a, “Hi, how are you?” Welcome to the club.

The reasons that we’re here is we didn’t know what a connection there was between marketing and entrepreneurship and the rest of your life either until we started having these calls. We were sharing where we were at with our dating and everything and I was like, “Me too. We have the same life.” That’s when we were like, “We can actually apply principles for marketing.” We’re both experts at social media marketing. We know how to market our businesses. We know how to target our ideal client and all that jazz. Can we translate this into our dating lives and everything else we want? That’s when the magic started happening and it got to be so ridiculous that we need to share this because if we’re experiencing this, women entrepreneurs are experiencing it as well. There’s no way we’re alone in this insanity so that’s why we’re here.

A little bit about how Sophie and I know each other. We met when we were both co-mentors and business coaches for women entrepreneurs helping them to scale and grow their businesses to six figures and beyond at Libby Crow’s The Business Accelerator Mentorship Program. That’s how we first met and that’s when our dynamic duo, #Melphie was created. We realized what an amazing complementary skill sets that we have. On my side and being the tech and the systems, the automation and the strategy behind creating a business that helps you keep your sanity. In that, you use robots to do stuff for you as much as possible in automation and all that stuff. I’ll let you share the part that you bring to the dynamic duo.

I definitely bring a lot more of that deeper soul work when it comes to this strategy and having it be more that human connection piece like being relatable, being authentic and creating content that’s magnetizing. Also knowing, messaging and positioning from a place of strategic action where you hold authority but you’re also relatable, and you also are very clear on who you’re attracting. Together, it’s badass to say the least.

You need both. You’re going to be on the online space. You need the mindset, you need the confidence, the alignment and the soul-centered coaching. You cannot do it without that, but you also cannot do it with only that. Alongside that, you have to be building up systems, using data and having a strategy. It’s hard to find one coach or one program or something that offers both because however you want to describe it whether it’s left brain, right brain or creative, most people are specializing in one or two things. The reason that it is so is like “magic” is together we create an entrepreneurial monster, like the Godzilla of marketers.

I would say it’s more like Transformers. We come together and we create this massive transforming bot, but it’s great.

There is more than meets the eye.

[bctt tweet=”You have to sacrifice something to build your business.” username=””]

We’re trying to translate that into our dating lives, which is interesting.

There’s so much overlap with our businesses online. If you’re a service-based online entrepreneur and you’re using your face to sell your business, your job is to show up on the internet. Know who you’re looking for and what you’re looking for in a client and who you can help and what results you can get them. Your job is to go on social media and talk to them in an authentic way and get them to know you, like you and trust you and then work with you. In the same way, you would never make your first contact with someone and be like, “Buy my thing for $5,000.” You could never do that to the client. It’s the same with what we started doing. We’re like, “All the same principles are the same with dating.” You wouldn’t show up to a first date and you’re like, “Marry me.” There’s a nurturing sequence that goes into dating. That’s what we wanted to talk about and share because we’re diving into this on our private calls and if we’re struggling with it, then you probably are too.

Do you want to expose our intimate lives?

From my end, when I dove into entrepreneurship, I went all in. When I was getting started, I had a full-time job. I was working twelve hours a day and my business was my side hustle. I would come home at 9:00 at night after working a full day and then work also until 4:00 AM to get my business off the ground. That’s what I was doing. I swore off not only dating but my entire life. When I started down this path, I got my friends together and I was, “I love you but I’m literally going to ignore you for the next year. No birthdays, no wedding, none of it. Know that I’m sending you my love but I physically will not be there.” You have to sacrifice something to build your business. Dating went completely out the window. For an entire year, there was no dating, none of that. No sex for real. All business all the time. It was boring.

That’s what it took for me to be able to build my business to the place where it is now where it’s sustainable, multiple six figures and everything’s going great. I’ve been able to expand and hire a team and all of these things because I haven’t been distracted by my dating life. Now being where I am in my business, I’m getting back to being in my real life. Not just with dating but with having friends and being social and figuring out what people do at night when they’re not working, all of those kinds of things.

I think one of those things is dating, but what I found and what you’ve probably found also if you’re a woman entrepreneur in this space is that once you’ve done the work and built up a business online to any measure of success, what you’re looking for is completely different than what you have been looking for in the past because you’re in high vibe now. I’m at this certain level and I should date someone that’s going to be my ideal client. On my side, it’s difficult to meet those kinds of people and to know where to find them and to know how to talk to them. What kinds of questions do you ask if I met someone who’s at your level once you’re an entrepreneur and everything like that? That’s what Sophie and I have been talking about. It’s like, “We’re on Tinder and these apps.” The dating pool in there is not in our level.

I’ve been in the entrepreneurial world going on a couple of years and for about three of those years, I was in long-term relationships. I had somebody that I met when I first started going into my entrepreneurial journey and we had a long-term relationship. I was so obsessed with building, growing and scaling for three years that it took a toll on the relationship. I had evolved so much and I love this person and this person loved me but we knew that it wasn’t what it could be. If any of you know Libs and Scott and them being the role models because I was so engulfed in their world and relationship. I was literally spending every single day with Libby and being around that type of energy with her and Scott. It was like, “If this is what’s possible and this is what I’m experiencing, there was such a level of incongruency in my relationship.” It got to the point where it wasn’t a bad relationship. I think this is the thing that I struggled with.

MMM 74 | Business And Dating
Business And Dating: Once you’ve done the work and built up a business online to any measure of success, what you’re looking for is completely different than what you have been looking for in the past.

He wasn’t a bad person, it wasn’t a bad relationship. It was good. I remember having this revelation where I was literally at Libby’s house and we were supposed to be working. We started to have the conversation and she was like, “What’s present for you? What’s going on?” Somehow, I ended up crying and just breaking down and talking about this revelation of like, “I know that he’s not the one for me,” and it’s heartbreaking. I remember Libby and Scott holding space for me and being like, “It’s a good thing that it is but you don’t deserve good, you deserve something phenomenal. For you to be able to experience that, you need to make space for that in your life.”

That’s something that stuck with me ever since owning and embodying my worthiness and my deservingness and knowing that I can 110% have something that’s more than just okay. It’s phenomenal, exceptional and magnificent. It was huge. It was learning how to actually hold space for myself outside of the dependency at that relationship. It was not having that partner there and learning how to be on my own and it’s been a few months now which is crazy. For those of you that are in the spiritual world, it’s been this process of deep diving into all of the internal healing of wounds, of contracts and all of the stuff. Let me say the depths that I’ve gone in the last few months. I can’t even put into words but it’s been that process. Part of me working through all of these has been going even deeper into building, growing and scaling the business.

It’s funny how much of the time as an entrepreneur our natural tendency is to say, “Stuff is going wrong over here, let me consume more of my life with the business.” What’s crazy is inside of that timeframe between when I had that conversation in May of 2018, we were able to grow and scale Libs’ company to a million-dollar run rate by the end of 2018 which was phenomenal. On top of that, inside of the last few months, I’ve been able to launch my own program as Lib’s set up for the mentorship space. She has more of the online course version that she does. Now, here we are continuing to grow and scale. We have our own personal brand and Mel and I are talking about all of these amazing collabs and it’s like, “That shift has to happen.”

I think that’s a big thing for a lot of entrepreneurs is you’re in a place that’s comfortable, that’s working for you. It’s not something that sets your heart on fire and you know that intuitively there’s that part of you that’s like, “This is good. It’s working.” Whether it’s your job or the business that you’re in or whatever it is that you’re doing, but you know that there’s something so much better out there. The internal piece is like, “Am I deserving of that? Can I actually have that?” It’s this weird belief that you know is possible for other people because you see it happening for them, but you doubt whether it’s possible for you.

I feel that’s such a huge shift that has to happen where we own this piece where it’s like, “I do deserve that. It is possible for me to have this level of success, this level of abundance, this level of love, this level of confidence and this level of competence. Where we feel worthy and deserving of receiving and achieving those things without massively sacrificing all of these other aspects of our lives and to be able to embody that.” It’s this whole different game and that’s the part where in the last few months since I’ve started to explore the dating pool again, I feel like an old woman. This is exhausting to show up online and I think this is the conversation that you and I were having where it was, “What kind of men do we want to attract?” We literally had no idea of the ideal client. We were just going out and dating and being like, “I’ll take anybody. Love me.”

Which is exactly what we teach you not to do in your marketing for your business. Don’t just go out there and try to appeal to everyone or write something that’s super watered down and diluted that’s going to bring in a bunch of riffraff. We’re constantly preaching about this in our businesses but then in our own dating lives to go out there. That was the conversation you were sharing with me and I remember asking you, “What is it that you’re looking for? Something casual or something serious? What is your client avatar for this guy? What does he look like? What does he do? What kind of self-transformation has he undergone?” Unless you’re clear on that, then you don’t know where to go to find that person. If you don’t have this ideal client in mind, like in your business, you don’t know if you go on Instagram or Facebook or Pinterest or how to show up. If you don’t have the idea about the ideal client, which in this case is the ideal partner that you’re looking for, where do you go to find them? Do you go to a bar? Do you go to a yoga retreat?

The thing that we’ve been realizing and it’s so interesting about what Sophie is saying was the embodiment. The idea that you have to up-level and evolve so much in business in order to fill the space and become successful. People compartmentalize that evolution to different parts of their lives. It’s like, “I’m evolving in my business and I’m leveling up in my business,” and then holding that space and all of that. You reached this level and you look around at the rest of your life, at your friends, at your partner, at your apartment and everything and you’re like, “None of that stuff has risen up to this level that I’ve evolved my business.” Then what you have to do, which is the real work is take the rest of the parts of your life and bring it up to meet you. I think we’re both working on right now and our strategy is, “Can we apply what we know about marketing to run a Facebook ad for our ideal boyfriend?” That’s a good idea. Then I could talk to them directly through the Facebook ads like, “Click here to apply.”

[bctt tweet=”People don’t just invest in you because of what you do, they invest in you because of who you are.” username=””]

Create a Facebook community of all the single men.

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Ten ways to attract high-quality women who are high achieving and making a ton of money. We’ll do that. That will be the capture of it and then from there it would be like, “Here’s my program.”

We should use type form with an application and then the last one would be, “Are you ready to invest in this relationship if we’re a perfect fit?” If they say, “No,” then I’m not getting on the discovery phase.

I’m not going on a date if you’re not in a place where you’re ready to commit. End of story.

Because that means you do not trust yourself or you don’t trust me. As you can see, it’s true. All these principles when it comes to marketing and the psychology around marketing and how to attract your ideal clients in an authentic way. Sophie and I are not out here being like, “He failed me,” and icky and pushy. Everything we teach is to get the actual awesome human that you can help and want to work within your circle, in marketing. That’s why these tactics could potentially apply to dating because dating is the same thing. We want ourselves and you to get the ideal partner in your circle where you’re both super excited about it and it’s a mutually beneficial positive thing.

I’m reflecting on all the conversations that we’ve had because I feel I’m newer into the dating world than Mel is. I have been single for almost a year now, but I haven’t been dating. I’ve just been avoiding it. Predominantly because I don’t want to deal with the rejection. I feel great with my business and I’m a master of this. Dating is like holding up this giant mirror and being like, “Here are all of your doubts, fears and insecurities,” and I’m like, “Go away.” Business does the same thing. Because when you’re building your business and especially when you’re starting to show up online, it’s like this giant mirror where everyone is starting to look at you and you’re starting to see how everyone is responding. When people don’t like your content and you’re like, “They don’t like me,” but it’s not that way. This is me taking things personally and I’m like, “We didn’t match. Are you serious?” “Did you not see what a catch I am? Why are you not swiping right? I don’t get it.

When the reality is it’s about them and their issues.

MMM 74 | Business And Dating
Business And Dating: When it comes to marketing and how to attract your ideal clients in an authentic way, find actual awesome humans that you actually can help and want to work with in your circle.

Mel, I love you and the analogies that we come up with. We were talking about this conversation with this guy I had gone on a date with and I’m getting annoyed because they’re not responding. They’re not texting me back. It’s been a few days. It’s fine but still, “What’s going on here?”

I was like, “Send me a screenshot. What’s happening?”

I don’t understand it. I don’t get the whole mind game thing. I’m learning. I binged on like, “Here’s the other thing I’ll say.” I ended up purchasing four courses from Matthew Hussey because I was like, “I literally don’t know about men and I don’t understand dating. Let me go learn from somebody who’s mastered it. Get a mentor who knows their thing so that you can actually learn from them and fast track everything else.” The stuff I’m learning is crazy, but point being we were having this conversation and I was like, “What did I tell you?” It’s something about sales calls that you were relating this to you. You were like, “If you’re putting out that energy where you are constantly waiting on somebody to reach out to you, then that neediness is what’s deflecting the opportunity and it’s just owning your worth inside of it.”

It was like the end of the sales call when someone wants to think about it and there are a couple of things that they need to process, especially if it’s a high-ticket, high-level investment. Even if they’re all about you and they love you and they’re in, there are other factors in their life they need to, “I’ve been worried that they need to talk with their spouse. Hopefully, that’s not the case. The common objection you get in marketing is, “I need to talk to my spouse.” When that person asks for a few days to think it over and what you do is say, “Let’s close up the energy loop so when you think you can get back to me by the end of this week, I’ll wait to hear from you.” Then you wait to hear from them and you don’t want to be texting them or waiting for their call or anything like that because you want to give them space and they can sense your energy. If you’re on the call and you’re clinging and you’re desperate to make the sale, nobody wants to work with that person. It’s the same with dating. They can sense if you’re desperate and it’s not attractive. We’ve evolved to naturally be repelled by that, but it’s hard when you’re staring at your phone and you’re like, “Where are the texts? Why is he not texting? Where’s the payment? They haven’t signed the contract.”

When you get off the phone with someone that says they’re a yes and then they don’t sign your contract for a week, you create these narratives in your head about why. You replay the sales call over your head. “What did I do? What wasn’t good enough? Maybe they saw my Instagram posts from and it made them decide not to buy from me.” You’re inventing all these things and the reality is you’ll never know and you don’t know what’s going on in their head. It’s totally a disservice to you and the client to invent those narratives. That’s the same with dating. Did you have a first date or a second bigger or third date with someone and it goes amazing? Then they don’t text you for a few days and then you go, “What did I say? What did I do? Maybe he saw that Instagram picture of me in my underwear that I shouldn’t have posted or me playing the Jason Mraz song in ukulele. Now, he’s not going to text me.”

All of these are constructive narratives are not serving anyone in the marketing world and in the business world. That’s what I have to say about. This is all well and good like Tinder and dating or it’s not that good, but it is what it is. This is if you live in one place, but for me, there’s an added layer of complexity which is that digital nomad. I travel full-time which means that every one to three months, I go and live in a different city. It’s like one, how do you have a relationship if that’s your lifestyle? Two, what has been so interesting? I’ve been doing this for a year and trying to date and do this and what I’ve learned is that because you end up only in the same city with someone for a day or two weeks or a month. What’s great about that is it cuts down on all the time that you’ve spent on bullshit.

Sophie was talking about waiting for two days for some guy to text her back. You would never do that as a digital nomad because if you only have two weeks with someone, you’re going to proposition them immediately. You’re like, “I like you. You’re cute. Come over,” or whatever it is. You skip all the fluff and go straight to what it is you want. Whether that’s sex or that’s dating or whatever that thing is because there’s no time to fool around. It makes us empowering because on the flip side if that person’s, “No, you’re gross.” They’re literally leaving the city the next day anyway and then you never have to worry that you are going to run into this guy that rejected your, “Are you up?” text at 2:00 AM.

[bctt tweet=”People want depth because depth is what creates this really potent experience.” username=””]

I know a lot of you see the more polished version of Mel, but let me say, Mel is my spirit animal when it comes to dating on so many levels. She is such a bad bitch when it comes to dating. I’m like, “Mel, I want to be like you and be so on the top. How do you do that?”

We were talking about this and I didn’t search for the bad bitch life, the bad bitch life found me because I’m not a bad bitch. I’m the sweetest and nicest person. If you follow me on Instagram, I’m super kind, loving, nice and everything. What I am is not attached to dating or guys at all, especially as a digital nomad. You meet people and they are great and whatever and it turned out that mentality is extremely magnetic. Also, because being successful in business and super-empowered and everything that comes with that, being like Beyoncé level of woman is also very magnetic.

It’s true when you’re not out there looking for a relationship or being desperate in sales and in dating, that’s when the abundance starts flowing to you. I think that’s about living in abundance on your own and if you’re already in abundance then that’s when more is going to flow to you. That’s certainly been my experience. The DF attitude as a digital nomad is we only have tonight or we only have two weeks to whatever it is. That has changed the game and I’d be good to see how we can apply that mentality to what is going to be most of your situation. You do live in one city and you are even with dating apps and you and people feel they have infinite time because you’re not going anywhere. You’re going to be where you are.

I’m not going to be on the market forever, that’s not the plan.

That’s not what I mean. What I meant is in your physical location, like living your life. These people can take two weeks before the next date and that’s I think the mentality when you live in one location. It’s like, “We can do the slow burn,” and “There’s no slow burn in online entrepreneurship.” You don’t have time for slow burn either. It’s like, “How can we expedite this,” unless you’re into the slow burn thing?

I am working on it. I’m testing multiple things and collecting data right now. I’ve got my spreadsheet of prospects and I’m tracking. I’m like, “We went on a date this day.”

Do you have a content marketing plan? You do inspirational text messages to them and you do teaching messages to them.

This is something that I love to bring up is it’s so easy in business and I’ll tie this back to the dating thing. The dating all ties back to business. One of the things that I’ve noticed is how easy it is to get so consumed in the idea of, “I want to get there already.” I’ve totally fallen in this bubble of, “I want to be there already,” that I’ll start to neglect or forget about other parts of my life. Before I knew it, health, nutrition, body, image, business or whatever it is, it’s starting to dwindle because I’m so heavily focused on this thing. It’s not going where I want it to go, then I’m feeling frustrated and I’m starting to look at myself and judge myself for all of that.

MMM 74 | Business And Dating
Business And Dating: It’s really hard to start at the beginning or start at a place where you feel like you stuck at something when you’re really good at something else.

In business, this happens often with so many of the women that you and I work with Mel. Where they get so hyper-focused on their business that they forget to have a life outside of their business. Before they know it, their sense of self, their self-worth and their self-love, all of these components are so wrapped in the success and/or the lack thereof success in their business that now they’re judging themselves. They’re beating themselves up because they don’t know who they are outside of it. I’ve fallen in that bucket before where I was all consumed by what I’m doing. I didn’t know who I was outside of it. I think it’s still important that when you’re building a business and as I’m learning when you’re dating, it’s important to have a life outside of that.

Number one, have a life outside of your dating life. Number two, have a life outside of your business so that you’re more than your business. You’re more than what you’re currently doing with your business. I was having this conversation with my client. It’s like, “Go show yourself living your life and having a good time.” Your content is fantastic and you’re amazing at what you do, but people don’t just invest in you because of what you do. They invest in you because of who you are.

This dynamic of you expressing and developing yourself and you going and living your best life is what’s so attractive to your ideal clients because they’re like, “I want to be like you. I want to actually experience what you’re experiencing and dating life similarly. You’re so attractive because you have so much depth to you when you’re such a well-developed, expressed and a whole human being.” It’s unattractive when the only thing you ever share or the only thing that you’re ever about is just the business or the relationship. People want depth because depth is what creates this potent experience. That’s what’s super yummy.

That goes back to the vulnerability that you were talking about. Here’s what’s interesting about this. It’s hard to start at the beginning or start at a place where you feel you’re stuck at something when you’re good at something else. I think a lot of people are in a place where their business is going well. You’re an entrepreneur, you’ve built your online business and you have that running. Then now you have to start over in a different phase of your life, which is dating and you feel you suck at it and you don’t know what you’re doing. You’re so used to being good at marketing and good at running your business that it feels so painful to have to start at the bottom of something else and work your way up. What you need to do is be vulnerable.

This is one of the first things that we tell people with their content marketing strategy. If they’re like, “I’m posting on Facebook and posting on Instagram. It’s not working. It’s not resonating.” It’s like, “Are you being vulnerable? Are you sharing stories about your pain and your failures and your whole self?” That’s what people resonate with and connect with. It’s the same with dating, but that’s a whole other level of vulnerability that comes with this rejection that we’re all taught to fear so much. When you start to experience it, it can crumble all of your self-worth. I think that’s what vulnerability is in dating. In order to be successful in it, you have to show up and be vulnerable and be like, “This is who I am. I’m weird and my arms jiggle whenever I do that and everything else,” and completely present that to someone in a little package and they might be like, “I’m in.”

Its sting is constant, but like with your social media marketing, you have to not take it personally and be like, “What worked and what didn’t work? How can I refine my approach and do a little bit better for the next person?” It is a matter of a numbers game where you meet people. You present your whole self to them. You collect data for how they respond to that and you determine, “Why didn’t this work or why did this work? How can I present myself a little bit more authentically for the next person and then gauge their response?”

We have a question around balancing business and personal life. Before I go into that, to touch on Mel’s point because this is a huge thing that comes up for so many of the women that we work with. You’ve spent X amount of years mastering your craft, whether it’s being an expert transformational coach or an expert web designer or an expert, whatever it is you do. Then the frustration when you’re trying to build the online business is you don’t know diddly-squat about marketing because you haven’t spent the last X amount of years mastering marketing. You spent it mastering whatever it is you’re doing. The thing that often comes up here is people start to get frustrated with themselves and beat themselves up if they’re not attracting a bunch of clients right away or they’re not hitting six figures in the first six months of their business.

[bctt tweet=”When you’re not looking for a relationship or being desperate in sales and in dating, that’s when the abundance starts flowing to you.” username=””]

That’s no reflection on your skill set or your ability to be an epic coach or designer or whatever it is you do. It’s just that you haven’t learned how to market your services and your ability to market has no correlation to your ability to deliver your service. I think it’s so important to remember that. Part of being a business owner is learning how to be a fantastic marketer and most people are fantastic at what they do, but they haven’t mastered that marketing piece and it’s a completely different world. You have to also understand that building a business and being a business owner is one thing, being a marketer is another thing and having your skill set is the other thing. You’re like this multifaceted human being as an entrepreneur. To come back to the question, as far as balancing business and personal life, “Hell, fuck.”

I think the first thing is having systems. This has been such a godsend for me and I know for you too. If you were just shooting in the dark and you’re trying all of these things, you’re going to burn yourself out. What I did for the first two years was trying all of these things and doing all of this stuff. It would work intermittently but granted I was doing 70, 80 hours a week in the business, it was crazy. I was getting up at 3:00 AM to do coaching calls with people that were in the UK because I have no boundaries or whatsoever back then and responding to messages constantly because I had no systems in place.

I had no strategy for how it was showing up and it was exhausting. That’s going to be the first piece. Number one, what’s the lifestyle you actually want to have and you build the business around your lifestyle. I think the mistake most people make is they think about the business they want to have and how much money they want to make. They think about how quickly they want to get there and then they completely sacrifice everything in their life to try to build the business. They get their business to a certain level and then they realize they’re still dissatisfied in it and they go all the way back to point one. What I love teaching my clients and this is what I’ve started to integrate is, “What’s the lifestyle you want to have for yourself, relationship-wise, time-wise? How can we build the business and congruency with that? Making sure you have the systems in place, which is going to take a little bit more time.”

I’m not going to sugarcoat that. It’s going to take time to build out the systems but once they’re built out it’s like, “You have so much more spaciousness and you’re a happier human being prioritizing your own self-care.” It’s a silly topic but it’s serious. Prioritizing your self-care, your you time, your health and your nutrition, for me, that’s been probably the only thing that’s kept me going. Taking care of my physical health and my physical nutrition because that’s what’s allowed me to sustain the level of growth and expansion that I’ve had. I would say get clear for you, what’s most important and to set boundaries with those things. What are the boundaries you need to set for yourself inside of the business as far as hours that you’re working and hours that you’re spending building the business versus hours you’re spending playing? Prioritize resting and prioritize playtime because those are absolute necessities if you’re going to be able to grow and scale sustainably.

That’s like liquid gold. The big turning point here was shifting from a fear-based mentality to an abundance mentality in terms of hiring a team and creating systems. I think a lot of you will relate to this, as soon as my business started to make money, I was hoarding all the money for myself. I was like, “I don’t want to spend any of it. I’m finally able to eat more than ramen and I finally have the money for myself. I want to keep it all. I don’t want to then turn around and spend it on my business,” but that’s exactly what you need to do. Once you’re finally financially solvent in your business, it’s time to invest in a team and scaling and creating systems and all of that. It’s going to cost you some money first before you start to see a return on that investment.

For me, I was initially stuck in this fear and lacking mentality of not wanting to invest my money back into my business because I had worked so hard to get that money in the first place. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, that on the other side there were going to be even more abundance for myself. As soon as I was able to cultivate this abundance mindset and also let go of the ego that was telling me I can’t delegate tasks and I can’t let anyone else do my work for me. As soon as I was able to do that, then all of a sudden there was so much more ease, flow, and balance in my business because now I have a team of people that can help me do stuff. I have all these systems in place for onboarding and all these things. That’s what gave me the time and spaciousness to then be able to have balance. What is now is I have time to have my dating life be a complete show disaster. Before, I didn’t even have time to date. Now, I’m like, “I have all this time to ruin every other aspect of my life.”

There are going to be some transformational coaches reading this and they’re going to message you. They’d be like, “No to these limiting beliefs.”

I don’t know if any of you who have hired a team or scaled can relate to this. Once I implemented that successfully, I did suddenly find myself with all this time that I didn’t have before because I was working 70 to 80 hours a week. It was very much like, “This is amazing. This is the dream. I have a business and it’s running and working. I have a team and I have systems. I have all this time for me and what do I do with that? How do I use that as a container for growth and embodiment? For me, the last few months have been great, so now what? Some of that is like what you and I have been figuring out with, “What does dating look like?”

MMM 74 | Business And Dating
Business And Dating: Investing in mentorship is crucial at the beginning so that you can avoid making all these crazy mistakes that we see people make all the time in our clients that we mentor.

Then a lot of it also is, “What do friendships look like? I know something that a lot of us are going to struggle with. It’s like you have your friends that you love and they’re your lifelong friends or your friends from school, but a lot of times if they’re not entrepreneurs, you can feel lonely. You can feel there’s something missing in your life even though you’re spending time with friends and you’re getting all this love and everything else. Unless you have other people who are also entrepreneurs who are in it and get it that you can connect with. Then you’re going to all of a sudden have this hole in your life that you feel needs to be filled by something other than your core group of friends that you had before you started in entrepreneurship. That is I think why Sophie and I gravitated towards each other is because we were like, “Yes, you get it.”

It’s good to have that community when you’re doing such a crazy and unique new thing. It’s new in the last couple of years that you have a business online and you’d spend all day at home alone talking to a screen. I did a day in the life of entrepreneurship story on my Instagram Story. It’s still on there. You can go watch it. I got home and I remember being like, “The first thing I do is check my house for evil spirits and the second thing I do is take off my pants down.” The story was like a pajama story. This is the level of comfort you need to have. It’s being vulnerable and showing up online and keeping it real.

For those of you reading this, what level are you in your business if you’re an entrepreneur? How long have you been in your business so I can gauge the content that we’re delivering to you? I’m just going to pull up the number of years your beginning, getting it going, growing and scaling. One of our audience is asking, “What about leveraging your time when you first start off? It’s not always about resources but resourcefulness. In what ways were you resourceful at the beginning?” I’m trying to conceptualize this question. Leveraging time and not resources, but resourcefulness.

The first thing I’m going to say is investing in mentorship. For me, I was working full-time. It’s a super demanding job in entertainment at a high-level position too. I couldn’t slack off at all. For me, I had ten or twenty hours a week I could actually spend on my business. I was like, “To get the most out of that amount of time, I don’t want to be dicking around or googling, “How to build a business and stuff like that.” I want to hire someone who’s going to tell me what to do so I can spend my ten or twenty hours a week doing the thing instead of wondering what the thing is. Honestly, before I even started my business, I found and hired a mentor and before I even started working on it, I got her to tell me, “Here’s the plan,” and what you’re going to do. I was able to leverage every minute that I was spending on my business making forward progress.

I never had to sit around and question whether what I was doing was the right thing because I was blindly following what my business coach told me to do. The cool thing about that is every time I did what she said, it was successful for me. It worked. The more I was able to let go. In the beginning, I argued with her. I was like, “Are you sure?” She was very patient with me. Then I was like, “I’m paying this person all my money to not agree with what they’re saying.” Once I started balancing how I leverage both my time and my resources was investing in someone who was already where I wanted to be and then doing what they said to do in order to get myself there. I did that for three months before I actually launched my business. When I launched it, it went well right away. That’s not to say that that’s guaranteed results for you or anything like that. Nothing is a quick fix or anything. Investing in mentorship is crucial at the beginning so that you can avoid making all these crazy mistakes that we see people make all the time in our clients that we mentor.

The other mistake that I see a lot of people make is they’re trying to DIY everything. They buy all the mini-courses and they’re consuming all the content, but the content is only half the battle. You can know the information, but it’s having somebody that can actually give you direct feedback and let you know, “This is the right way to do this.” This is the conversation that I have with my clients because you can learn about what content you need to create, but unless you’ve had years mastering copywriting, you can probably try to write copy, but I can guarantee it’s not going to be at the level it needs to. You would have so many blind spots saying, “This is how you write copy that’s magnetizing for your ideal client versus copy that’s mediocre.”

Absolutely hiring a mentor, but also it’s doing less. Many people wear the busy badge. They are so addicted to achieving and to doing and they’re like, “I’m doing all of these things,” but it’s not actually about doing more. There’s nothing great about the fact that you’re working crazy number of hours and this was something that I had to break my own achievement addiction too. It’s about how can you get the best results with the least amount of effort. We focus on efficiency. How can you be the most efficient, effective entrepreneur out there so you can live your best life but also have the most successful business? That usually means when people are always blown away by the simplicity of the strategies, they’re like, “What do you mean that’s it?” It’s like, “That’s it.” Stop doing other things. Go take care of yourself. Go play and have fun. Go embody that part of you that’s like your best version and then bring that embodiment, that fun lightheartedness into these specific strategies so that you can come at it with high energy.

[bctt tweet=”There’s no quick fix or anything.” username=””]

What you do create, it’s the best that it can be. It’s getting out of that worker’s mentality of, “I need to be working all these hours and I need to constantly be busy.” I would say the other thing and it sounds so silly, but it’s prioritizing self-care like there’s no tomorrow. I wish I would have learned this earlier on and it would have saved me so much especially the adrenal fatigue that I ended up developing. Prioritizing your self-care is the most important thing that you can do as an entrepreneur. If you’re not making that a priority in your life like you taking care of yourself and you making space for yourself and you’re constantly pushing and hustling, you’re going to burn out.

It’s not a question, it’s a matter of when. Slowing down is the other thing that I would say and be patient and take care of yourself. Honor your body and honor your process. Honor the timeline of your own success. This is a big thing because people get stuck in that comparisonitis. It’s where they’re constantly comparing themselves and are like, “So and so is over here. I should be this far along. I’ve been doing this for this long. I’ve been trying this strategy.” Get out of the comparison mode. Take care of yourself. Get yourself feeling good about yourself and then have the right strategy in place. Build out the systems and find the mentor who’s at where you’ve been and has achieved what you’ve accomplished. Business marketing and mentorship is a show out there. I don’t believe that there are bad people. I think that there’s just not great advice. That’s the shift. It’s finding people that you resonate with but can also cover the whole picture for you.

This is oftentimes what we see is you get pieces of the pie. It’s like, “Here are Facebook ads or here’s this component or here is that component.” You need someone as far as business and marketing mentorship who can cover all of it for you, not just one component. Because if we’re getting microcomponents, it’s like basically getting the puzzle pieces from different puzzle boxes and trying to build the puzzle together. None of the pieces are going to fit because you’re getting mentorship from so many different brands and so many different ways of teaching and it’s not cohesive. They’re going to have this crappy puzzle that doesn’t actually work. It doesn’t fit together and you’re going to be frustrated because you invested all of this money in all of these different places trying to learn all these different things and it’s not working.

Find something that’s super cohesive that covers all of it for you that builds up the entire machine. Look for results that resonate with you in what it is you’re building. I think that’s the other big thing is it’s like coaches can preach all day about how great they are, but it’s the client’s experience that’s going to speak to it. Look for people that actually have clients that are in your niche or are doing what you want to do or have been where you’re at. Allow that to be what speaks for it and not just the, “I did this. It was a great experience and I love this person,” but it’s like, “These are the tangible things that I was able to create in that I was able to do.” That’s what you want to be listening for and to de-clutter all the noise that’s out there.

This could be its own training in and of itself is what to look for when hiring a coach and a mentor. I get on the phone with so many people that are like, “I’m scared because I already hired someone once or twice or three times and I have this negative. They over promised and under delivered,” and it’s an epidemic in our industry. Look for testimonials of people who have got results that you can relate to and that’s going to be a big one. In terms of leveraging your time when you’re first getting started as far as a targeted marketing strategy, pick one or two social media platforms and focus on those. I think so many people that are like, “I’m on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and all these other things.” I’m super in with all the teens. They used an app called It has a different name now.

You should be on any of that. It’s like you’re going to pick one to two apps when you’re first getting started and focus on that. One, because you have limited time so you can only spend so much time on all of these things. Two, you can’t become an expert in ten social media platforms all at once. You need to be on Instagram or whatever it is. Posting regularly, having a consistent strategy, collecting data and analyzing that data and then tweaking your post to get better and better. You can build a whole super successful six-figure business just from Instagram with an extremely targeted strategy that you continue to refine and tweak. You can do this without even any of the other aspects you’re supposed to have for your business. You can pick one social media platform and go deep. 100% and that is going to be so much better for you than feeling you have to be everywhere.

The only other thing I’ll say you should do is to get your business handle on every social media platform you can think of so that someone else doesn’t get it and try to impersonate you or something weird. Just because you have the Twitter handle for your business doesn’t mean you ever need to use it or do anything on it. If you have a Twitter account, that’s only one tweet every six months, that’s going to look worse than if you’re not active at all. Pick one platform. Ideally, the platform where your ideal client hangs out, which means you need to be super clear. “I’m here and my ideal client is,” and then go deep in refining your marketing strategy on that one platform.

We could go on forever and ever. If you guys enjoy this, show us some love and maybe we’ll start doing these on a more frequent regular basis just because it’s so much fun. This is play for us. Let us know and we’ll explore doing more of these for you guys. Let us know other topics that come up for you as well, especially if there are specific questions that you have. Those are helpful. We love actually giving you very direct specific feedback.

MMM 74 | Business And Dating
Business And Dating: Target your ideal partner and then target them after they’ve been engaged with your content a little bit.

Let us know, “Is this helpful?” We’re on here all the time talking about business and marketing strategy, but one thing that we found during our weekly calls is there’s this whole other side of it, especially once if you are a high achieving female entrepreneur. The dating pool just becomes smaller and smaller. It gets harder and harder. I don’t see a lot of people talking about how you can leverage being an expert in marketing and speed your dating life, but I do feel there’s so much overlap.

It’s a big thing. I’m sure we’ll be sharing a lot more of it with each of them. If you enjoyed this, if you loved it, go ahead and let us know. I’m sure we’re doing more of these and if you have specific topics for us, share them with us. DM us or comment. I love you guys. Thank you so much for joining. We’ll see you soon.

If you can’t tell us being on our elements and sharing so many epic insights and metaphors and the wonderful business advice and support that we provided to you out of it. If you enjoyed this episode and you want to connect with Mel, be sure to add her on Instagram and on Facebook. Her handle is @Mel_Judson on Instagram and look up Mel Judson on Facebook. I know she would love to connect with you. Otherwise, be sure to check out her site. She is a dear friend of mine. She is amazing at what she does. I know she would love to hear from you. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed this, please take some time to share it, to tag us. Let us know what your favorite insights were from this episode. What did you enjoy? What were some things that you could relate to? We would love to hear from you.

If you want to hear more episodes like this, if you want to hear more about the entrepreneurial life, what it’s like behind the scene along with getting more insights into the business and marketing aspects for those of you who are entrepreneurs. Feel free to reach out. DM me on Instagram. Message me on Facebook. I love hearing from you. Leave us a review on iTunes. Those are super helpful and give us so much insight into what you are loving and enjoying and what you want and what you need. If you have other questions that are showing up, feel free to reach out. I can’t wait to see you in the next episode.

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About Mel Judson

MMM 74 | Business And Dating

Mel Judson is a business mentor helping sparkly service-based women entrepreneurs grow sustainable and profitable businesses online. As a full-time world traveler who runs her business from a different location every three months – from Bali to Portugal to Peru, Mel also runs a Creative Agency helping entrepreneurs around the world create high-converting brands to grow their businesses and share their message online.

A rare blend of strategy, tech, and design expertise, in 2017, Mel quit her full-time job in digital entertainment to take her boutique creative agency full-time. Mel launched her company into six-figure profitability and has since expanded into coaching other service-based entrepreneurs on how to do the same.

Mel started her business to empower and champion women and to add more women CEO’s to the world. She believes in supporting women as they develop into powerful entrepreneurs, leaders, and influencers who are using their light to illuminate the world.

You can find Mel daydreaming about her next travel destination, training for her next marathon or searching for the world’s best almond milk latte.

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I'm Sophie Kessner

First generation Mexican American mama that’s gone from hood to strategic hustle. I’ve spent the last 10+ years inside the personal development space supporting 100’s of coaches in scaling 6 figure businesses online & supported 4 different companies in surpassing the 7 figure mark. Today, I focus on making scaling more sustainable by integrating the lenses of business, systems, automation and CEO Development through an Equity centered and Trauma informed lens.

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