Just like good sex, good business ends with all people involved feeling exhilarated, confident, and positively radiant. But the parallels don’t end there. When you mix spirituality and sexuality, sex in business becomes so much more than just T&A — it’s an amazing way to fill yourself up with the kind of powerful, excited, and alluring energy that is almost impossible to say NO to. It’s also a super-effective way to get your clients positively drooling with anticipation to work with you! In this episode, we show you how to use sex and spirituality to grow your business like never before.
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Harnessing Your Sexual Energy And Channeling It To Your Business
We’ve got a juicy episode for you and it’s all about harnessing and expressing more of your sensual self. What I mean when I say this and I want to clarify this here is not so much just talking about sex or sensuality but it’s about you being able to express all of who you be shamelessly online fully. That can be anything from your quirks, from the pieces that maybe you don’t oftentimes share. It’s becoming more transparent through the art of sensuality and sexuality and how you embody that in your personal life and then the way that influences your business.
This is going to be a fun episode. We approach this idea of sexuality in our businesses from different and fun perspectives that could open a lot of doors for you. Hang tight and stay open-minded. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s get weird with it on this one.
The pre-frame that I will give here is around this piece that I feel many entrepreneurs in the industry talk about being authentic online and this is one of my pet peeves. Everyone speaks about being authentic, being vulnerable and being transparent, yet people only tell things that they feel are relevant to their business. Nobody wants to share their dirty secrets online. Nobody wants to tell about these things that they’re afraid that they do in their personal lives that are going to jeopardize their credibility, their positioning or their authority. Ironically, what I have found in the testing that I’ve done and with my clients as well, is when you share your dirty secrets in a productive way. There is a process for this, there is so much more connection that you build and trust with your audience than when you’re only showing up as being this person who has a simple clean life.
The more and more I get into my voice online, the more I want to post as if I’m having a fun conversation with someone at a bar more than anything else. That’s how I think about it. As I’m writing now, I imagine I had a couple of drinks and I’m talking about something interesting to me and then how I can weave that into something that adds value. It’s not just entertainment. It is something valuable for someone. When I’m out or when I’m bullshitting with friends, sex comes up, so do drugs, music, travel and everything that from the incredibly salacious to things that you’d never even dream of saying in a business arena. In these days, especially on social media, people want you to be real. The lines are blurring between business and social. The people who will be able to blur those lines and do both at the same time and give people the feeling of having a fun conversation, but also changing their lives at the same time, those are going to be the people who dominate this next couple of years.
[bctt tweet=”Find the things that make you feel sexy and excited. Harness those energy and channel them towards your work and business relationships.” username=”iamsophiekessner”]
I love that you brought this up. The analogy that I share with my clients is, “I want you to write like you’re sexting your audience.” The funny thing is when I share this with my clients, the rebuttal that we oftentimes get is, “I don’t know how to flirt or I don’t know when the last time was that I sent a sexy picture.” It’s interesting to start to tune-in to how much we hold ourselves back. What I’ve been exploring in the last few months has been who we are behind closed doors when the lights are off and who we are online. A fun little exercise that I love to give my clients is if you were to go and pick your last social posts, whether it was an educational or inspirational or whatever it was. Pull up that post and then find a text message from your best friend like a conversation with your best friend, your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, whoever the person that you’re closest with that you feel you can fully be yourself with.
Read the conversation that you’ve had with them and then go and read your posts. Look to see the difference in the tone, the language patterns, the way that you talk, your self-expression, your colloquialisms and how you utilize those in between the way that you text and the way that you write content. One of the biggest things that I’ve noticed is I’m bored reading people’s content when it’s the same regurgitated, “Four ways to do this or three ways to do that or here’s how I went from struggling to being this incredibly profitable person.” They are so stale and we want to start to bring in more of that juice and harness more of your essence into this. A big part of this does come down into your own sensual embodiment. This is where with my audience, we start to talk more about pleasure practices and what it means to infuse more pleasure into your life and business.
A big part of this often harnesses a lot of shame and a lot of guilt that people have around being this person and tuning into these archetypes that sometimes they don’t feel is socially acceptable. It’s been interesting with a few of my clients and even for myself personally starting to leverage a lot more of these sexual stories and starting to share more about our sexual expression. It doesn’t necessarily have to be this content for you. This is what I find tends to push people over the edge and start to step into this much more lighthearted way of showing up. Even with my business partner, Mel, she had a very polished brand before I coerced her into showing up like this. What’s interesting is what she noticed for herself when she was transitioning into doing more of the business mentorship and stepping out of the branding and web design space.
She had come from a corporate background of being in the entertainment industry for many years and working with some of the top entertainment companies in the world. She’s very professional, polished, masculine. Sensuality, sexuality, self-care and self-love, nobody talked about these things. When she started her personal brand doing branding and web design, she was very much in this space of showing up. She had this beautiful Instagram feed that was super branded, super clean, polished and on point. It’s only sharing how perfect her life was and how flawless it was. It got to a point where she met this man in Portugal where she was traveling and had this incredible affair with him for a few weeks. He disappeared for a few months and they were traveling all over the world independently. They reconnected after three months and fell in love and had this incredible experience.
Throughout that process, she didn’t want to share any of it. What she noticed is the more that she was enjoying this experience in her personal life, she felt more and more dissonance with her business. Her business was constrictive and not allowing her to express all of these other parts of what was going on because she didn’t feel it was relevant, because she had shame around it, because she felt guilty about it, because of all of these other things that were coming up. It’s ironic how much it shows up for many of my clients where they have this incredible life and these stories and these things they’re experiencing self-included, but we don’t share them with our audience because we don’t feel it’s relevant to them. Ironically, it’s this juiciness, this drama. The way that I love to position this for my audience is it’s like you become the reality TV star of your own reality TV show, which is your social media channels.
The more you share the juice, the drama, these dirty secrets with who you are and how you experienced your life, the more that people get to know you and fall in love with you. What Mel saw when she finally posted the blog, she was revealing to her audience how falling in love almost ruined her business. A big part of that was because she wasn’t posting, she didn’t feel inspired, she didn’t feel connected. She didn’t feel like she was herself in her business. She had to show up a certain way. It was screwing with her ability to do or even create content. As soon as she started sharing that, there’s this wave of lightness and joy. Now, she feels so much freer to show up online and express, share stories, post pictures and realizing that people are connecting with her because they’re seeing the real her, not just the business her.
My brand is all about living an integrated life. Everything is aligned with each other. It’s important that we use everything that we have in our lives to have not just the most fun but also to be the most successful versions of ourselves. When you show up to work and you say, “No, I’m not going to talk about this. I can’t talk about this. I can’t be this part,” you’re making parts of you wrong. The more you do that, it almost like when you’re with the person that lights you up, you’re not fully there because a part of you is doing that wrong for most of your day when you’re working. That diminishes your pleasure or diminishes your experience and it sucks. Why not integrate everything? Why not come from a place of, “I have this life for a reason and I have these beautiful things for a reason. My audience doesn’t just want more money or whatever it is that I’m selling. They want all of these other things as well and they’re exciting?” That’s what your audience wants. They want to be excited. When they read your shit, they want to be excited by it. When they’re living their lives, they want to be excited by that. When they’re working, they want to be excited by that. When we can integrate what excites us into our businesses or we can share that, that’s super powerful from a marketing perspective. It’s also more fun for us to do it.
Marketing should be fun. Everything should be fun in your life and your business as well. If it’s a slog, why are you doing it? Why did you start a business for your own so that you can delegate tasks to yourself that suck? Why be a shitty boss to yourself? That makes no sense to me. Instead, why not break all the rules and talk about whatever the fuck excites you? It’s great to do that because sex is such a powerful thing. When you’re talking about exciting other people. That’s why we consistently read dirty books. We love talking about sex with our friends. We love watching romantic movies or movies that excite us in that way, but also having that as a part of your life that is integrated, that you’re proud of and that you talk about. That honors it.
[bctt tweet=”We grew up in a society where we’re taught that having ‘too much’ fun is wrong, and that fun is somehow the opposite of productivity.” username=”iamsophiekessner”]
To me, when I show up to a sales call or when I write, if I have that energy flowing through me, my results are way better. It’s important for entrepreneurs to show up to whatever they’re doing in their work, feeling confident, relaxed, having fun, being happy, loving themselves. These are as important to me. They’re more important than everything else in your business. Everything else in your business come second in my book. It doesn’t mean it’s true for everybody but in my book, it comes second to how you feel when you show up to those things and who you are when you show up to those things. I know that when I have an awesome date, I will go on an awesome date night with my girlfriend, we cap it off with hanging from the chandelier sex.
I wake up the next morning feeling awesome. I feel good. When I show up and I write from that place, it’s good to have a totally different tone and energy. It’s going to be different. I’m going to write about different things. When I have a sales call, the person I am when I answer the phone is going to be very different than if I spent an entire day feeling bored and unexcited. This whole idea of harnessing sexual energy is harnessing excitement. It’s harnessing these things that we want anyway. It’s fun, why not make it a part of your business however it is for you? Sophie likes to go pretty direct with a seductive copy. For me, what’s sexy in my life is an adventure. It’s having as much fun as possible.
People have shame and guilt around that shit too. It sounds weird but they do. “If I take too much time off work, I feel guilty. I should be working. If I have a ton of fun and I get drunk, whatever or I go off and have an affair in a different country.” There’s shame around this. There’s shame around having a ton of fun. There’s shame around how I have fun or what excites me just as sex does. When we can break those boundaries and barriers, when we can honor ourselves in these things and show people what it is. We can find that not only do we have a lot more fun, but we make a lot more money and all experiences are better.
I want to tune into two pieces here. The first piece is activating your radiance and using turn-on with potency and purpose. A lot of us have been socially conditioned not to be turned on. It’s like, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” especially as kids. Any kind of sexual exploration is sin and terrible and bad and wrong. Masturbation is outlawed. It’s interesting when we start to look at the programs and the beliefs that we’ve taken on from society, from our parents, from culture or whatever it is. As we start to become adults, we’re so private about our sexual lives, we’re so private about our turn on, we’re so private about our pleasure. One of the most beautiful things as Dan is talking about is that excitement, that turn-on as the way I like to describe it. It’s you feeling so radiant and so in your body. As you’re able to learn how to create that for yourself and this is what I focused with my clients on. It’s one thing to have a partner that you can have incredible sex with and love that, honor that and also to have the interdependence inside of that to be able to create that pleasure and that turn-on for yourself.
This is where we get into pleasure practices and we get into the art of turn-on. When you’re able to harness for yourself the experience where you can turn yourself on instantaneously and you show up from that energy on video or in content or whatever it is that you’re doing in your business. You are so much more radiant and so much more magnetic. Personally, my belief is that the state of turn-on is one of the most magnetic, captivating and trancing state that you could possibly be in your business. When you learn how to hack that for yourself, meaning you figure out how to turn yourself on, you learn how to create pleasure for yourself so you can live more from this orgasmic state of being. You become so much more of an embodiment of what your clients want to experience and people become turned on by your turn-on.
People become entranced by the way that you show up because you show up in a way that’s seductive. Seductive means that you were able to get your audience curious, arouse, excited by how you’re showing up, what you’re saying, the way that you’re saying it. That’s the power of what we talk about when we say seductive copy or erotic content writing. It’s a way of turning people on and getting them excited, of getting them curious, of them being like, “This feels interesting.” There’s a part of me that wants to lean into this. This brings me to the other piece of allowing yourself to trigger the fuck out of your audience. The power in this is if you can turn a trigger into a turn-on, you’re going to be so powerful as a copywriter and as a content creator for your audience and in your business. We’re moving from this model of like, “We’re talking about we all have problems,” to moving into this piece of, “This is going to trigger you.” I hope that this triggers you. Let me show you how to turn this trigger into a turn-on so you can get excited about what’s on the other end of this and how you’re going to grow through this.
If we’re talking about sexuality, sensuality, pleasure practices and showing up shamelessly and sharing your dirty secrets online is making you feel uncomfortable, that’s awesome. Lean into that because on the other side of that is this shameless full self-expression where you’re going to have so much more lightheartedness in the way you run and operate your business. You’re going to feel liberated and free and so much more ease and joy in your life. Everything else is going to become so much more peaceful and spacious.
That expands to another little thing. I am such a nerd. Sometimes I shocked myself. I’m about to get nerdy on you. This is something that’s fascinating to me because I love understanding why we do things and what is it that gets people to make certain decisions and some people to make other decisions. For example, in attachment theory, there is the idea of a stable base. What that means is that you’ve got someone who you know is there for you, is in your corner, is going to support you, is going to love you, is going to take care of you no matter what. This comes from watching mothers and kids. When a kid has a stable base, that means they know that their mother’s there in that way, the kid is much more likely to take bigger risks, to try things, to go out there and explore because they know, “If this goes wrong, I’ve got my stable base.”
[bctt tweet=”When you learn how to turn yourself on and show up in business radiating with excitement, you become what your clients want to experience.” username=”iamsophiekessner”]
When you can do it, what Sophie was saying as in you by yourself can turn yourself on. You have a life that you’ve created for yourself that feels fucking good and you know that you can take care of yourself, that you can bounce back, that you can get yourself excited, that you can make yourself feel good, that you can supply yourself with confidence, value and worth. When you become a stable base or you have an element in your life that is a stable base for you. It doesn’t have to be a partner. It could be the way that you live your life. You will be much more comfortable taking bigger risks and showing up online in different ways or saying some shit that you would never have dreamed of saying on a sales call last year but is the ballsy thing that gets the person to say yes.
When you have these, you will become the entrepreneur who takes the risks that are required for you to fucking crush it. A lot of other people are there and they feel unstable. They don’t feel safe enough to show up like Sophie is saying, “Here’s my dirty secret or here’s some shit no one else is talking about.” They don’t feel like they can take that risk. Give yourself a stable base so that you can feel okay with going out there and dropping some heat on people on Instagram. Everybody’s here and is all perfect. Everybody’s in their right boxes and shit. You can be the one who comes out and stops them in their tracks and then excites them in weird ways that they’re not used to feeling from an Instagram post and gets them into action. That’s where you can change some lives, theirs and yours.
What’s a fun exercise that I had my audience do this in a challenge that I ran? It’s two things. I would invite you to get a pad of paper and open up a Google doc. First, go ahead and channel everything that you love that you’re great at, that you enjoy, that you feel awesome and spend five minutes doing this. All the things that you’re proud of, that you love to share, that you’re excited about. When you get all that out, go ahead and draw a line in or flip the page. Go ahead and channel everything that no one knows about you, that you don’t like to talk about, that you’re embarrassed by, that you have shame around, that you feel guilt with, that you are holding on to, that you have anger with and get all of it out.
Any secrets that you’re holding on to, anything you don’t want people to know about you. Anything that you feel is not safe or not okay to have. Maybe there’s some judgment with yourself and your afraid other people are going to judge you for and get all of that out. Do this for about five to ten minutes and allow yourself to dive in. If there’s something coming up that you’re feeling any resistance with where it’s like, “I don’t know if I should share that,” write it all down. When you have this list, my invitation to you is to pick one of your dirty secrets. Anyone that you want and whichever secret you pick, write the experience. Write it out, whatever that experience was that you had or your belief system or the philosophy or whatever it is. Write it all out for yourself and allow yourself to be fully in that expression for a few minutes.
When you write that story, notice how much freer than you feel with being able to get it out on paper and verbally process it for yourself. What I would encourage if you are a little bit more timid or shy, you can share it with somebody close to you and get it out so that you can feel that sense of expression. If you want to share with others, it might be Dan or me, you can share with us and we will keep it private for you, just so you can start to take that next step in sharing these pieces. If you want to step into your edge here to allow yourself to share that secret with your audience, to share that as a post or as a story and allow your audience to read it. Whether you share it as an email or you decided you want to mandate who sees it when you share it in your Facebook group but at least share it in some way.
One of the things that I did is I wrote an email giving my entire email list, my entire list of dirty secrets. I didn’t just share one. I gave you everything that I had. Inside the Facebook group that I run, I shared an entire story of what my community voted. They wanted the deets on, which was this juicy story about how I had gone to Costa Rica with this dom that I was exploring with. We recorded the sex video and the entire process of that and the experience behind it. From there, leveraging that story into teaching content, which is the power of what we do in our business. It’s showing you how not just to take and create erotic content that’s juicy as fuck but how to leverage it in a way that also positions you as an authority and that shows your audience that you’ve embodied something that you’re teaching.
With that, think about your excitement. What gets you super excited that you can talk about? That exercise is so good. I hope you did it. If not, quit fucking around, do it. It’s going to make a big difference and start getting excited yourself so that you can get other people excited. On that note, if you enjoyed this episode, if you got a lot out of this show, if you’re digging it, let us know and we’d love your support. Give us some stars on iTunes. Leave us a review. Take a screenshot, post it on an Insta story, reach out to us whatever, every little bit helps. We also want to know. We love hearing from you and we’ve gotten a lot of messages from people saying how much they’ve been able to change their lives as a result of the show. That lights us up. We do want to know if you’ve been able to create any shifts as a result. It helps us know that we’re on the right track for you.
On that note, thank you so much for tuning in and if you’re not following us on Instagram already, be sure you check us out. We’ve got lots of juicy content. I live mostly on the gram. Dan, I think you’re more on Facebook than on Instagram.
A do a little bit of both now.
Check us out, say hi. We love hearing from you. I love reading your messages and just tune in. If you ever want to see any of the embodiments that both Dan and I are talking about, that’s the place to find it. With that being said, much love to you all and we will see you in the next episode.
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