Have you been feeling confused, lost, or burned out in your business? Is the business that was supposed to give you freedom and fulfillment turning into a slog? Don’t you worry because in this episode you’ll be able to get clear on what’s going on and how you can turn things around. Put back alignment in your business and learn the process of carving out your own lifestyle within it to generate more growth. After all, business is just one aspect of your life. It also needs to tie into the rest, from your relationships to yourself. We give you the critical questions to ask yourself as well as some clarity-building exercises and simple methods to get your business fun and flowing again.
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Finding Your Path, Purpose, & Alignment In Business
In this episode, we want to dive in and share a little bit more about humanism with you. We want to dive into what some of our biggest challenges have been in our own entrepreneurial journey. You can get a little frame of context that we’re also human and that we go through it too. You can start to see, if any of these resonate for you and are relevant for you and your life, how we’ve moved through these pieces and how we continue to evolve even in our own lives. It’s going to be a fun little back and forth jam session between Dan and me and we’re diving into what we’ve experienced and what we’ve learned along the way.
It’s funny that as we were planning this and writing out what we’re going to talk about and the topics that we were talking about, it’s interesting that the journey of an entrepreneur, we like to talk about business and how we do excel in business. A lot of our issues had nothing to do with the business itself. It was the things that the business created or things that happened or didn’t happen as a result of the business. Our businesses themselves were going beautifully. Hopefully, this will open your mind up to allow you to see that success in business can’t be separated from the rest of your life. As a business owner, everything is connected. By the end of this episode, you’ll see that you can’t just focus on your business. You do need to pay attention to everything else.
I was laughing with Dan because I don’t know what to share. Everything that I’ve done business-wise has miraculously always worked out perfectly and I’ve always been divinely taken care of every single step of the way. There are the moments of, “What is going to happen next,” but it always worked itself out. The biggest pieces for me have come down to relationships, energy and friendships. Those have been the biggest opportunities for growth that my business has triggered and illuminated for me. The other piece that I would add in there too is a lot of stuff around self-love and worthiness. That will probably be another big piece that I’d had to work through over the years. Dan, how do you want to dive into these? Do we want to start sharing? Do you want to do some Q and A? What feels most potent?
Dive into it. I’m sure stuff will come up as it always does.
The first piece that I’ll start with is diving into the relationship component has always been a big thing for me. I have run the program and I brought more awareness to it. I will tend to easily fall into focusing more on the business that I don’t have the energy to put into my relationships and then my relationships start to suffer. I’m speaking specifically to romantic relationships or even dating in general. The more that I leaned into that, the pattern that I had dug up over the period of time as I was going to this process has been how easy it is to overcompensate my feel goodness in the business versus my lack of feeling good in my relationships. I’m fucking great at my business that I can easily feel good doing my business. It’s easy to do more in the business than it is to go to the other areas of my life where maybe I’m not feeling great, specifically speaking of relationships. I use the business to avoid what I’m feeling in my relationships and avoid relationships altogether.
It’s been a fun experience learning how to meet that need for connection and meet that need for feeling loved and feeling worthy or deserving of incredible relationships outside of the business. Being able to step back and not use the business, not use being busy as an entrepreneur, which I know a lot of us will do when opportunities arise. We’re like, “I’m busy, we’ll see if I can fit you on my schedule,” instead of letting me go lean into the possibility of exploring relationships. Let me go lean into the possibility of meeting new people, dating or spending more time with a specific person. It’s making sure that they feel seen, heard, and honored and knowing that that’s not taking away from my success. Having that companionship is powerful and it’s a big part of my life.
[bctt tweet=”Learning how to develop a positive lifestyle and routine is a practice of loving oneself.” via=”no”]
Relationships for me have also been a little bit of a weird thing. That’s also because I have a personality makeup where I love people and I am extroverted. I have the tendency of when I’m left to my own devices, I will vanish. I’ve always been like that. I won’t talk to people for a month because I will be doing my own thing and I’m not aware. The business gave me an excuse to do that. It was easy for me to be completely aloof because I was fascinated by it, trying to grow it, trying to expand it in some way, or learning because I continue to learn and study.
I spent an entire weekend, instead of hanging out. I went to a product healing workshop. I could fill my time with my business or my interests. It feeds into that part of me who will dip and be gone from my friends for months at a time and it compounded on me. There are times like with my business. There are seasons of hustle and seasons of flow. There are some seasons where I’m tight and connected with my friends and sometimes when I’m not. It came to a critical point where I realized like, “Is this something that I want to address?” The answer was no.
In this phase of my life, I’m good at doing this but I had to do some clarity work and I had to do some healing work around it. I had a thought of what I should be, who I should be, how I should show up, who my friends should be, dating life. I had to clear all of that out and structure my life. Now I’m in a happy relationship. I talk to her every single day. My other friends, I’ll poke and prod every once in a while. I’ll see them once every two weeks, once every three weeks, something like that. I’m at peace with it and I had to do a lot of work on myself to allow myself to carve out my own lifestyle that was supportive. That allowed me to have my alone time, friend time, business time, growth time and everything. It took me a few years to create my own balance.
I can relate to that. Speaking to friends as well. For a lot of us who build out online businesses, it’s easy to meet people online, connect online, and have your tribe online. In real life, it can be easy not to cultivate and not develop relationships offline. One of the things that I’ve wanted to bring more of is having girlfriends who are also entrepreneurs who get it and people who are in this space because it’s a little challenging. For a lot of the friends that I grew up with that I was close with, I loved them to death but they don’t get it. They are not on the same wavelength. It creates a little bit of a barrier for connection because there’s a lot that they don’t understand about me.
There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s that we don’t have that connection point. It’s been fun to create things like weekend events or to go to retreats where it’s about connecting, unwinding and meeting other women who are interested in similar things. Building relationships with them where we can go and have fun offline. It has been exciting to meet a lot of other women who are into things like going to festivals, entrepreneurship, dating or whatever the things are. We can go and have those experiences together while also being able to talk about what it’s like to be an entrepreneur and have a business.
That is something important there where you need to realize what’s right for you, what person you are, what interactions you need and crave, and being at peace with it. I have had a number of clients who think that being introverted is a bad thing or that feeling the want or maybe needing a lot of social interaction is a bad thing or trying to fit themselves into other boxes. What’s important here is figuring out what you need. Sophie, what you need, what I need, that they’re different, and that it’s all okay. Prioritize it and know that if this is something that you want, if this is something that’s important for you to keep your energy high, to keep you happy and fulfilled and having fun in life, then you have a responsibility to figure it out for yourself as soon as you can.
Even if you’re trying to grow your business or even if you’re at the beginning of your business because all of that feeds together. It’s all connected and there is no wrong way to do it. When it comes to relationships, especially where you see people being very bold and announcing to the world their relationship model, which isn’t always monogamous, which isn’t always widely accepted. Know that there is no right or wrong model of friendship, relationship or whatever. There’s no schedule and there’s nothing like that. It will not cause suffering to anybody else or yourself. Keep that in the forefront of your mind and figure out what makes you happy and go after it. That was the sum of what we were feeling out here.
Another thing that this does bring up for me with this is the whole idea of energy management. Sometimes I’ll go through these phases of I’ve got a lot of clients, I’ve got my online stuff, I’ve got my own work, I’ve got my projects, and I’ve got this. We have to manage how much energy we are expending. A few years ago, I was burning myself out every two weeks, legit. I would be beached on the couch with no energy at all. I would be crashing Netflix for the whole weekend unable to move. That was because I thought I had to work all the time and then I had to see my friends, I had to do this and I had to do that.
I was trying to do everything to 100% and there was no time to recharge. That screwed me up for a whole year of me trying to figure that out. I also went into adrenal fatigue. This was at the beginning of my business. I hustled freaking hard because that’s what I thought was necessary in order to make money that I put myself right into adrenal fatigue. It took in a ridiculous spiritual experience all the way in Thailand and spending all of my money to heal that shit. Sophie, I know you experienced something pretty similar running yourself rugged. I know that’s also a big challenge for a lot of people out there.
That comes up for a lot of us, especially these ideas of how we’re supposed to exist, how we’re supposed to live our lives, and what we’re supposed to be doing. It’s been a big thing relating back to the energy piece, especially the health and fitness component. Leaning into how can I prioritize my own health and fitness and my nutrition, to know that that is contributing to my business and doing it in a way that’s sustainable. A pattern that I’ve run in the past has been getting into programs and regiments that were probably not the best for me while trying to run a full-time business.
For those of you that have been following me for a while, you’ll know that in 2018, I decided to go into a bikini competition and went full force with that training for about nine months. It was restricted and regimented. The bikini competitors and the whole industry is an incredible thing. There’s a great way to do it. The way I was doing it wasn’t working for me and it wasn’t sustainable. I started to sacrifice my health with overtraining and being way under malnourished and having nutritional deficits. It was causing a lot of that stress because I was going hard in the business and I was going hard on my fitness that I burned out to the point where I had panic attacks. It was something that I had never experienced in my life up until that point which was scary. It’s been a fun process of learning how to train intuitively, eat intuitively, and have a business intuitively in a way that works best for me and my body.
This is important for everyone to figure out for themselves because there are going to be many different ways of doing things and many different things like, “This is what works best for me and you should try this program,” or whatever it is. The feedback I would give is to lean into what feels best for you and your body, what you want to achieve in that sense, and also the reasoning behind what it is that you’re doing. A lot of my desires for going hard in health and fitness came from a lot of pieces of believing that doing that, looking that way, and getting that physique is what would help me to feel more confident and develop a deeper sense of self-worth or self-love. Ironically, as I got into the peak week of my training, I had never felt worse in my life. I had never in my life felt more anxious and more depressed.
[bctt tweet=”You need to realize what’s right for you, what kind of person you are, what interactions you need and crave, and be at peace with it.” via=”no”]
All of that was nutritionally related because of how far I was pushing my body and it was terrible. I technically looked “great,” but I felt like shit in a loving way. It’s important to also look at the reason behind what you’re doing. Why are you doing what you’re doing? Why are you training or whatever habits you have? What’s the purpose behind that? For me, it’s been learning how to develop a lifestyle and a routine that feels good and that feels nourishing. It allows me to experience those feelings of self-worth and self-love, not because of it being an end goal but because this is a practice of me loving myself.
The journey that I’ve been on in the last few years was figuring out that self-love portion. What does it mean? How does it show up? What are the habits that allow me to honor myself through the process truly? That’s why I was burning out so much because I had this idea that working every single day for fourteen to sixteen hours a day would earn me some pride, some significance or some award in my mind. What it was earning me was a lost weekend on the couch. That’s where it came from. I realized I was trying to fill in a void in how I felt about myself with my business. That was a big mistake.
The work that I’ve done over the last number of years allows me to feel balanced regardless of when I’m working, when I’m not working, when I have a high month, when I have a low month because that’s how business is. I always make sure to give myself time to recharge and to take care of my health, my fitness and my nutrition which is very important to me. Doing the other things that allow me to connect inward and feel good about what I’m doing, even if I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m going through this crazy big evolution step which has brought in all weird things. Confusions and looking at my path, looking to see what is aligning with me, what’s not aligning with me anymore, everything has been thrown into the air. I’m sorting it out but my self-love practices make sure that I make it through that. Instead of being crushed by this, I feel good about it. Instead of losing energy like leaking energy into worries, concerns, or anxieties, I’m focused and that I’m still balanced. That emotional balance is super important.
In the beginning, I would feel good when I made a lot of money in a month or what it was a lot of money for me back then. I’d feel shitty when I didn’t. I’d feel good when I left the sales call with a yes and I’d feel shitty when I left a sales call with a no. These were the things where I allowed my emotions to be controlled by the circumstances I was living in and to TLDR that, I was a fucking wreck. I was all over the place. When your emotions can be so easily changed by what’s happening around you, it’s like the weather is good in controlling how you feel. I’m sorry but that’s unacceptable.
At least for me, I was done, spent physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually exhausted from that. It’s like this roller coaster that was tightened up. I was going through a rollercoaster all the time every single day. Even my sleep was crazy and my dreams were bonkers because of this. That also digs into that issue of self-love. Do you derive your value from your work, from your income, from external validation, from your friends, from your family or from whatever? I went on a journey, which I’m still on to continue, it’s probably going to be lifelong, of separating myself from these things.
Giving myself validation even when things are going wrong and loving myself regardless of what’s going on. Making sure that I feel good about who I am and what I’m doing even if things are failing, even if I’m struggling, even if things are not working, I’m getting noes, there’s a low month, or whatever is happening in my friendships or relationships. It’s been my journey to become even more unaffected by things. Using any time I get triggered or anytime I let my environment get to me as another learning point and as another teacher. It has allowed me to enter this phase with excitement. If I went through this upheaval a few years ago, I’d probably be freaked out, feeling anxious, stressed, and all over the place. I’ve never gone through this phase of upheaval and refiguring things out with more peace and calm in me before. I feel so chill about it because of that. I’m continuously doing that work to make sure that I’m there for myself.
I feel like that’s a big challenge. It’s a big opportunity of growth that has consistently shown up again and again where my thing is I outgrow and I evolved what I’ve created. It’s been the thing of like, “This is no longer what I want to be doing. What’s next?” This season that I’m in is probably the third transition that I’ve gone through. It’s been interesting to address this season from what I’ve learned over the last few times of going through a process of, “Is this what I want to be doing? Is this the niche I want to be talking to?” All those fun questions and leaning into the big question that I have to ask myself. It’s like what is in my highest excitement and what feels most congruent for me? Not who I was last month, not who I was last week, but for me now, and who I am evolving and who I am stepping into.
I’m showing a little bit about this in the solo episode that I’ll bring it on here as well. It’s been the opportunity to give myself permission to change the rules and to break the rules of how the business has to be, what it needs to look like, and how I need to be developing things. To give me permission to say, “This doesn’t feel right anymore. I want to do something different.” It’s been leaning into the fact that I enjoy doing live in-person events. Moving forward, it’s going to be a lot more of me making retreats and live experiences because that’s what feels more exciting for me.
Pivoting and shifting the context of what I teach and giving myself permission to teach more of what is of resonant for me, where previously, it’s been a lot more focused on marketing and on business strategy. I’ve noticed with the audience that I’ve worked with for the last several months that there has been a shift with them of going far on the other side of the pendulum with business and strategy. They’ve completely lost sight of the other part when it comes to self-love, self-care and embodiment work. That’s the way my pendulum is swinging as well of like, “Let’s bring back this piece of self-love, self-care, embodiment, and how that works with your business. Have that as the forefront of the business instead of being the supporting piece.
What I’m leaning into is like, “This is what’s most relevant for me.” Giving myself permission to change that has been huge. Oftentimes, we can get stuck in the pattern of like, “This is what’s been working. I need to keep doing this even though it no longer feels congruent. I’m not excited about it. I have resistance writing content about it. I don’t even want to market about it.” That’s usually a beautiful sign from your nervous system to tune-in and figure out like, “Is this what I’m excited about? What am I excited about? What would I be more excited to share about, post about or talk about that would come much more naturally?” Give yourself permission to be willing to change direction if that’s what feels resonant for you, which has always been a fun conversation. If you’re open to sharing, I’d love to hear more about what’s the pivoting that you’re stepping into and what you’re shifting.
This is coming up as two different fronts that are meeting in this and it’s weird. I called this in 2018. I felt something and I remember I told Jess like, “Shit is going to go crazy in my life. Know that, so you could prepare now.” She was like, “What are you talking about?” I was like, “I don’t know, it’s going to be big.” There are two different things. One is me and my own personal spiritual evolution of digging through who I am, how I show up in life and the work that I’ve been doing with Alan. If you’ve heard the podcast before, you’ve probably heard me talking about my favorite healer coach. I don’t even know what she calls herself. She’s an absolute sorceress. She’s incredible. She got this download of when something happened when I was about three. That was hard to find because it’s not a trauma, it’s nothing big, it’s easily overlooked, but it has set off a sequence of events in my mind that led me to a ton of hardship for the rest of my life. A lot of energy being spent, a lot of resistance and a lot of shit.
It might be linked into my hatred of authority, of why I can’t stand corporations and systems or structures, which if you know anything about me, I fucking hate those things. The worst thing you could ever do is try to tell me what to do. I’m very coachable certainly, but if you tell me what to do, you’re done. I can’t even control that. That’s something deep. There’s a lot in there of how my three-year-old mind constructed how the world works, which for some reason is still hanging on. She got this download of when it was. She did a little bit of work and have identified like, “This is it.” I’m working on undoing that. That could potentially set off a series of events both emotionally and spiritually because it could change my entire life. It can change my entire identity which I’ve been feeling the need for lately.
[bctt tweet=”Give yourself permission to lean into the possibility of the unknown and of it being absolutely amazing, and to trust that process.” via=”no”]
You know how you were saying like, “Things change and evolved what you’ve created.” I do that with my personality. I do that with who I am. Sometimes I don’t know what’s going on. I know that things don’t feel right and things are not in perfect alignment. Everything feels a little off and it makes me question everything. Who I am, my friendships, my relationships, what I’m doing, how I’m showing up, what I’m saying, everything. It’s weird and it’s not the first or even the fifth time that’s happened in the last number of years. It’s a weird thing to know what it is but not know why or not know what’s on the other end of it.
I’m going into this leaping in and jumping off that cliff. At the same time, I don’t know whether that has spurred it but I’ve been trying to find my real niche for marketing. What do I want to talk about? Who do I want to help? It’s the same thing that you’re going through. You have an idea, I have none. I thought I had an idea. I went through a couple of different iterations. We’ve talked about this before, Sophie, of like, “What is it that I’ve connected to that I want to communicate?” I can talk about anything in energetics, personal development, spirituality and all these things. I’m very well educated like you do your marketing thing. I can help anybody with anything in personal development.
The problem is, and this is the case for many people in personal development as well, is settling on one thing. I’ve gone through a couple of different iterations and all of them felt good at the time and over the years or so, I’ve felt lost in what I want to do. My business has been continuously growing and thriving. I’m getting amazing results of my clients and everything is feeling beautiful on that end. I’m looking for that next step. I hired a coach for one day from 9 to 5 for nearly $10,000 to show how dedicated I am to figuring this shit out. This is happening in mid-June. Something tells me that I’m going to have both of these two fronts figured out by the end of June, which is interesting. That feels earlier by the middle of June. That feels right to have to say that.
I don’t know what I’m going to come out with. I don’t know who I’m going to be. I don’t know how I’m going to show up online. I don’t know how to show up in my business but I’m ready for something that could be potentially drastically different from anything that I’ve done before. If this were a couple of years ago, if I wasn’t emotionally prepared for this, I’d probably be freaked out. It’s like stepping into an abyss. I have no idea who I’m going to be and I don’t know what my business is going to be. I’m excited about that. I can’t even tell you. It’s fun for me like I have no idea and I cannot wait. That’s one of the things. I’m going on this three-week trip around Europe. Part of me is looking forward to that and part of me cannot wait to come back and see who I’m going to be when I show back up. It’s exciting to have that phase of redefinition and be willing to shake the whole Etch A Sketch so hard that maybe I’ll have a blank canvas again and be able to create whatever I want. That’s super sexy for me.
There’s no clear answer and then there is no answer.
That’s where I am lately with that.
It’s beautiful because it goes to show how it’s about creating space and having space and the trust that it’s all going to work out perfectly. I love how much you embody that of like, “I have no fucking idea what’s going to happen, but here I am making space for whatever is going to happen.”
I know it’s going to be good. I know it’s going to be amazing. That’s what I can’t wait for it.
That’s the thing for anyone reading. If you’re in that place where you’re feeling not excited about your business or what it is you’ve been doing, you’re stepping into something different, you’re not sure what that transition is or what that’s going to look like, give yourself space to get excited about what’s coming. It sure can’t be any less than where you already are. It could only be even better. Give yourself permission to lean into the possibility of the unknown, to lean into the possibility of it being absolutely amazing and to trust that process. I’ve had to go through that too. I have no fucking idea how this is going to work. It’s something that I’ve never done before and it feels so good that I have to do it. That’s the point that I’m at. This is the thing and this is what I’m stepping into. I’m not sure exactly what that looks like or what that means, but this is what feels good and it’s honoring what truly is in my highest excitement and knowing that it’s going to figure itself out.
With a lot of these challenges, there has been one theme if you’ve picked it up. It’s that both of us have developed this tenacity to look at the sunny side or the half-full side. There is something that I have used and what’s interesting is my dad, at one point, said it almost in a negative way, that I tend to be optimistic about things even though I don’t know how things are going to turn out. At that time I told him like, “It’s a survival skill. What I’m doing is terrifying. I don’t have a choice.” It’s a habit now and it has helped me where it’s like, whatever it is if relationships are a problem, we’ll figure it out. If energy is a problem, adrenal fatigue, we’ll figure it out. It’s going to happen. Big shifts and upheaval and the time for redefinition, we’re going to figure it out.
That has allowed us to move forward continuously. It can be a little evolutionary but it’s more a societal thing to resist when a struggle comes up or challenge comes up or even to retreat. In all of these, there’s that theme of running directly into it. If there’s one thing that has helped us through every single one of these challenges, it’s that almost excitement of running directly into the challenge and the struggle saying like, “Fuck that. I’m going right through this thing and whatever happens, happens. I know I’m going to make it through. I know it’s going to be even better. I know life has something even bigger and better planned for me.” There’s only one way to find out and there’s only one direction for that. Your task when you’re reading is figuring out what your challenges are. What’s one challenge that you can run directly into? What’s one that you’ve been skirting? It doesn’t have to be in your business. It could be, but it doesn’t have to be. Know that when you fix something on another side of your life, it will impact their business as well. All of this is super important. Every part of your life, find one and see what you can do. What’s one action that you could do that allows you to run directly at it?
I hope that you enjoyed this episode. This is a different one where we’re both vulnerable. This is some shit that we have gone through. I don’t know if we relate how big these issues were. It’s enormous at that time, especially if you asked us, we’d be like, “This is the biggest fucking thing that’s ever happened.” You have five more of those in the same month and then you start waiting what’s big. If this helped and if this gave you a breakthrough, a little ray of light, some clarity or whatever, let us know. Share this out. Leave us a review and some stars on iTunes. Take a screenshot and put it up on your stories, post it on Facebook. Let us know, even if you hate it like, “That last episode sucks.” You can post that. That’s cool. Tag me in it. I’d love that too. All feedback is feedback. It helps us to be even better. Especially if you loved it, let us know. We would appreciate it.
If any of this resonates with you and if it’s relevant for you, reach out. We love hearing from you. We love connecting with you and diving in and letting you know that you’re not alone, we’ve got your back. If there’s anything that you want us to dive deeper into, let us know. We love getting your feedback and your input. That’s what helps us make this such a special show. With that being said, loving on all of you deeply and we will see you on the next one.
Lots of love.
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